The Firefly Field Theory

|1| Honesty And Other Types of Negative Thinking: Part IV

Hello everyone,

This chapter was originally a part of it's precedent, but it was getting too long so I sepearted them:)

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PART IV:

After calc we get a lunch break, and I am convinced that the puffy eyes have been officially redeemed, as studying all night has actually up my chances for an A. The same couldn't be said about Naomi who looked considerably worried.

After lunch break we headed back for class and the history test was a piece of cake, I was positive I had done well, but the same couldn't be said about Naomi who looked considerably worried as we headed out of class. I couldn't ignore this anymore, like I skillfully had at lunch, so I ask her how the tests went, as if I couldn't tell from the look on her face. And to my surprise she answers, "Great, great, I hope I can get a good grade."

This intrigues me enough to ask without thinking,"I just thought you looked a little worried, so if it's not the tests what is it?"

Naomi stares blankly at me, making me feel I shouldn't have asked in the first place but something is up, she is never so queasy. She takes her time before deciding to answer me and picks her words like Asians picks tea leaves.

"Well sam, ahh, remember Jane? Well..ahh .. someone told her that you are a girl.", she says like person who is scared that I will be jailed now that my lies have been caught.

"And that is a bad thing?", I say feeling a little relieved that the fallacy of the charges against me was cleared off without me having to do much.

"I don't know maybe she is offended", she says.

"Shouldn't I be the one who is offended since it was my sexuality under question?" I respond.

"Just go and talk to her.", she insists. In fact that is not what she says. she says something and I hear, "Jus gao an tak to har"

"I don't know, what was she mad about exactly, wouldn't it have been more of a bummer if I told her I was a girl and then she'd have to deal with being shot down by a girl, you tell me what is worse a girl shot down by a girl or a girl or a boy? ", I said and smirked ever so slightly, I want to hear this one.

She pauses as if to consider my question and then says, "Well depend on the girl who is askin I guess, who she really wants to go out with, a boy or girl.". She has been a resident of United States for way too long and even now, her accent has that pause and it breaks at some points, where you'd think that she is still learning the language. Except she is not, she has learned the language but maybe made it her own by adding the Japanese touch to it (she adds the Japanese touch to almost everything, well except maybe sneezing I guess, but I know for a fact she would if she could)

"Wait a minute are you saying that now her sexuality is under question?" I just love this.

"No, no that is not what I mean, she has a boyfriend, I think, but".

I cut her, "She has a boyfriend and she still asked me out, scratch the small question mark on her sexuality and replace it with a big black shinny new one"

Naomi is flustered when she says," No, she was angry we did'nt tell her straight away this means she wanted to ask the boy version of you"

What is that supposed to mean?

She says, "I don't know but if we hurt her we should just go and apologize to her, no matter what she is hurt about, are you coming?"

"I don't know which version of me she wants an apology from quite frankly. But both the versions are not interested in apologizing for something that isn't their fault.", I retort and make my way out of the hall way to the parking lot. Naomi follows me and looks worried, I wish she'd just stop worrying about the whole bloody world's emotions for once. The whole bloody world doesn't care about our emotions now does it?

"I'm sorry Sam!"

Of course you are. You are always sorry. I sometimes wonder if you are capable of being anything else but sorry.

"But I just want to ease her discomfort, maybe she is offended." she raises the topic again. And I say," if it's about offence you go and tell her that the guy version of Sam is offended you asked him out even when you have a boyfriend already you fickle woman! and the girl version of Sam is offended that you asked her out and mistook her for a boy you blind woman! And the whole Sam is offended you want an apology even when you are not half offended as she is." I keep a smile for safe measure and she lets out a little laugh too.

I hope that buries the problem, because to me it doesn't really matter, Jane will have to get over it sooner or later. And since high school has been a total bum ever since it began, I desperately want it to end calmly and not be a bum in the end.

Mom arrives to picks me up not a minute late as usual, and I say my good byes and head for the car. Mom asks me how my tests went and I tell her it was all good, I ask her how work was going and she tells me it's going good. We head for home. Mom works at the CVS pharmacy and takes the morning shift on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, on these days she gets a ten minute break which she utilizes to pick me up. On the rest of the days Maria drives me home in her SUV, I think it's pretty obvious by now that I don't own a car, mom said she'd get me one when I get into college. But I'm in no rush in fact I don't even like driving, I like sitting in the back seat of cars that take me where I want to go more that I like driving myself around.

As Mom drives us home I think about the people who fake understanding you, they are so much like the guy you stop by to ask for directions and it's really obvious to you just by looking at him that he doesn't have a clue about where the hell you are, where the hell he is and where the hell you are headed and where the hell he is headed, but he struggles to make sense, looking left and right and scratching his head, many desperate people stay there with their engine running hoping the guy could figure out how to help them, many hope against hope that they would be saved by this noble citizen of society and they could make it to where they want to be, in my opinion, they are wasting time.

I drove away years ago because I know that the guy doesn't know how to help you, he can't, and he doesn't have a clue of what you are going through, heck he doesn't even know who you are. And most importantly he is not the one who's lost.

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So this Ladies and Gents is the end of Chapter 1, I really hope you liked it.

Add my story to your reading lists, also I would be very grateful if you drop a Vote and Comment. I'd love to know your opinion :)