K A T A R I N A (•GXG•)

55.

K

"Short- term memory loss."

"Short- term memory loss."

"Short- term memory loss."

It replays in my head like a broken record. It's been five days since she got confined in a hospital to recover. Tuwing binibisita ko siya, I make sure na nasa labas lang ako ng kwarto. Sa pinto. Nakasilip kung gising na siya. After almost a week, I got a call from Vero that she's finally awake. We are about to visit her again tonight. Pinauna ko na sila Vero, Gen at Prim. I couldn't focus. All I've been seeing are those flashbacks of her getting hit by that truck.

Her smile.

Her words.

Ang bilis ng lahat ng pangyayari. I wasn't even able to tell her something. That I maybe I should've told her to wait for that traffic light. That she shouldn't be too excited to go back to me. To walk that path back to our car. She wouldn't have been in this state. She would've been okay. We would've been okay.

"There's a possibility. Major injury and trauma to the head impacted the short- term memory."

"She may not remember events that have occurred hours or days prior. Best to not leave her side, Ms. San Juan."

"She will get better Don't lose hope."

I am driving to the hospital. Vero kept on calling me. Leaving me calls and messages. Andrea is awake. Andrea...baby. I suddenly put on a halt and stopped my car on the side of the road. Baby I'm so sorry. I kept on saying these things to myself. I could not ever forgive myself for loving her whilst letting her get hurt at the same time.

I love you Andrea. I love you. I'm sorry.

As I reached the hospital again, the fatigue slowly consumes me, like a hood covering my whole self from the back of my head. I felt nothing but blank. Too sudden. Everything. Flashbacks running in my head again. One moment, she's smiling, she's happy and she told me to wait for her to come back, I smiled back at her. I was watching her, kung paano niya napasaya ang ibang mga tao, and then all of a sudden, she's lying on the middle of the road; bleeding. I bought a bottle of water sa convenience store sa baba. Inubos ko munang inumin iyon bago nag- decide na pumunta at pumasok sa room ni Andrea. Funny how all these white walls feel all so familiar now.

I stayed outside her room.

Nakatayo lang ako sa labas ng pinto. Nakatingin sa pinto. Nakatulala.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal. Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto na ang lumilipas na nasa labas lang ako at nananatiling nakatayo.

Andrea...baby....I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry...

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked behind and saw her mother. "Bakit nasa labas ka lang? Sigurado akong kanina ka pa niya hinihintay."

I smiled.

Faking it.

She handed me a handkerchief. "Punasan mo ang luha mo, iha. Ayaw mong makita ka niya sa ganyang sitwasyon hindi ba?"

I did take it.

Cause I know she's right.

I wiped my tears off. Kailangan okay ako pag nakita na niya ulit ako. She can't be stressed more by how I am feeling at the moment. Yes. In fact I am blaming myself. I keep on blaming myself for what happened to her. I am blaming myself that she got hurt, that I wasn't able to do anything to save her. I am too late when it comes to saving her. Ilang beses niyang niligtas buhay ko sa kapahamakan. Ilang beses niyang itinaya ang sarili niyang kaligtasan para saakin. She never stopped being there for me.