Bloodlust

chapter sixteen

-16-

 

The TV is on and James and I glare at it for a few minutes in a sulking manner. I have a reason to sulk though. I’m stuck here with James. He’s not letting me leave and he’s giving me shitty blood.

“Why didn’t you just kill me?”

James looks at me. “Killing you would have been too much,” he says quietly and then he looks back at the TV.

  I want to ask him why it would have been too much and what too much was, but I have a feeling (that’s probably right) that James doesn’t want to talk about it any more. I want to know though. I want to know why he didn’t just kill me. My life is over anyways. I’m a monster and I can’t be normal again. I’ve changed and there’s no turning back. Even though it wasn’t even my choice, I’m stuck like this.

  The weird thing about all this is that my general mindset has changed. Everything feels a lot more technical. I breathe to get an idea of my surroundings. I want to kill because I need the blood. I want to kill so I don’t risk turning someone into a vampire, like James did to me. As much as my conscience doesn’t want me to kill people, I need to do it to feed properly. I want to feel the fresh blood gushing into my mouth. My instincts are based solely on my needs and to make me the perfect predator.

  I want to catch humans like prey and feed on them. Part of me doesn’t want to kill and feed. My needs are capable of manipulating me and they may just take over one day. My instincts are still a part of me though. They’re what make me a monster. I’m pissed at James for making me like this.

“You ruined me,” I say quietly. James glances at me.

“What?” he asks, surprised.

“You ruined me,” I repeat. “I could have been something. I could have gone places and you ruined me. You singlehandedly destroyed any chance I had at being normal. I’m a monster now because of you!” I yell, rage suddenly exploding inside me, I want to yell at him. He ruined my life. He deserves to be yelled at and to feel guilty for what he’s done to me. “You also decided to kill one of my best friends!” I yell. “He was going to be someone! He was going to go places!”

“I needed the blood,” James shrugs. It just makes me angrier the way he can be so calm about Christopher.

“But why did you kill him?” I ask, “Why not a criminal?”

“Christopher was going to die anyway,” James says. “Your friend is dead. The deed is done. No one can bring him back to life. No one can change what I did. There’s no turning back.”

“Do you expect me to forgive you because of that?” I ask, “Do you expect me to just forget that you killed Christopher because it’s in the past? Why kill someone who’s young and still has a chance? Why did you kill someone who had a loving family and friends who cared? You killed all those innocent people! What the fuck is wrong with you?” I ask as I shove at James. “I wasn’t exactly normal, but I had a chance! You fucking ruined me! You said that I could kill my friends and family! I can’t even see my own friends because I could kill them! Because of you, I’m a bloodthirsty monster and I could kill my own friends and not care! I hate you!” The words finally leaving my system feels amazing. “I fucking hate-”

“Just sit down and shut up!” James yells, cutting me off. My mouth snaps shut as I sit obediently on the couch. James and his fucking mind control. I feel like I’m glued to the couch and even though I can’t say anything, my eyes are shooting daggers at him. I know my look is of pure hatred and I’m glad. I want James to know that I hate him. “First of all,” he says, “you really need to listen to me, because mind control is a hell of a lot harder when you’re a vampire too. Second, yes, I killed your friend and all those other people, but what are you going to do about it? It’s done and it’s not like you can go and bring everyone back to life. They’re dead.” James pauses and looks at me. “Now,” he says, “being a vampire requires a lot of self- control. I know you hate me, but you’re going to have to get the fuck over it. I made you like this and now I have to train you.” I try to stand up and fight back against James but I continue to stay silent, stuck in a sitting position. “This,” James says as he gestures at me, “is you trying to win a losing battle. It will be a lot easier to suck it up and just accept my help.” I stop writhing in my seat and James visibly calms down. “Now,” he says, “I’m going to release the hold I have on your mind and let you go. Don’t try anything.”