Sometimes he loathed his very existence. How could he not? He was weak. Pathetic. He shut his eyes tightly trying to silence them, the voices, and he failed like all the times before. He opened them again and stared at the melted mask before him. The very proof of his family's betrayal and the only company he'd had for years, within the treacherous walls of the First Order.
"Forgive me. I feel it again. The pull to the light. Supreme leader senses it. Show me again, the power of the darkness. And I will let nothing stand in our way. Show me grandfather and I will finish what you started." He paused for a moment waiting for any sign. But like before, the only answer he got was the cold silence of his quarters. He closed his eyes trying to calm his heart. His anxiety was getting the best of him and he had no idea how to deal with it. Out of pure frustration, he punched the wall next to him repeatedly. It didn't calm him down but it did turn his fear into anger.
He walked out of his room only to be met by Phasma.
"Sir, we found the droid." When he said nothing she added, "It's on Takodana."
He nodded, walking past her,"Prepare my ship."
"Right away."
He walked aimlessly, deep in thoughts. He hated that he had no real title in the first order. Despite being feared, he still was nothing but Snoke's student. He could do nothing but follow orders. And that wasn't even his choice. Even if he refused to do so, Snoke had full control of his actions.
He walked into the ship followed by a colony of stormtroopers. The droid was on Takodana along with the mystery girl, the traitor and most likely Han Solo. The thought of his father tightened his chest and he harshly cursed himself under his breath. If only he could tear his heart out of his chest, life would be so much easier.
As they approached the planet, the same warmth he felt on Jakku washed over him. He felt his senses shutting off slowly and his heart slowing down then he heard a whisper. A soft feminine voice that sent a chill running down his spine.
"Ben."
He looked around frantically searching for the source of the voice. No one in the ship seemed to be paying him any attention. They didn't know his real name anyways. He took a deep breath trying to calm his nerve but the voice kept echoing in his head.
Upon landing on Takodana, a stormtrooper approached him.
"Sir, the droid was spotted heading west with a girl." He looked back sharply towards the forest.
He left the troops to look for Han Solo and wandered off looking for the girl. He didn't want to face his father. Not yet. He wasn't ready. He didn't know where he was going but his feet were leading him. He didn't fight it. Whatever gut feeling engulfed him, it led him deep into the forest.
He heard the soft whisper again and then saw a shadow. The sudden movement made him turn around frantically searching for the source of the voice. But then he got a glance of her. He could feel the fear surrounding her, the chill on her skin, the fast beats of her heart. His eyebrows furrowed under the mask. He'd never been able to feel those things so, why now?
He approached her slowly trying not to scare her more than she already was. But it didn't seem to work as she held a blaster towards him, her hand shaking uncontrollably. She fired ferociously, backing off slowly trying go get away from him. He stopped inches away from her and raised his hand knowing fully she wouldn't be able to move. She gasped and he could visibly see her hold her breath. For some strange reason, the fear that enveloped her pained him. Scaring her had not been his intention. He looked at her intently taking advantage of the fact that she couldn't see him. She was young, he noted. Probably no older than nineteen. Pale skin, striking green eyes and gorgeous chestnut hair. She was simply beautiful.
"The girl I've heard so much about," he breathed but the mask made his voice thicker. He circled her trying to concentrate on the task at hand.
"The droid." He simply stated, facing her. He awaited an answer but got none. He whipped his lightsaber up to her eyes. The frenzied red light illuminated her face and reflected on her face. "Where is it?" He asked, his voice strained. She still didn't answer and he understood that the fear she felt at that moment was too great for he to be able to form words. He turned his saber off and reached towerds her face. Her face contorted in agony despite his efforts not to hurt her. Despite her efforts to fight him, in a beat he had access into her head. Memories flashed before him. A life filled with pain, longing and loneliness. She'd been abandoned, exactly like him. Rey was her name.And then he saw it. The map. The map to Luke Skywalker. He couldn't help feeling surprised.
"The map. You've seen it." He reached further as his hand softly touched her face. He took more from her mind, digging deeper. But everything he took seemed to be about her. He couldn't find the map. Deep down, he was fully aware that he wasn't looking for the droid. He was looking for her. At the sound of an explosion, he turned to see stormtroopers aproaching them through the woods.
"Sir, Resistance fighters! We need more troops." He informed him. Kylo looked back at the girl, Rey, his hand still on her face. And right there, he saw it. The eyes of a frightened girl, who had no place in the story. He saw himself in her eyes, the night that Luke tried to kill him. He felt her loneliness, her pain. But above all he felt her craving for belonging, something he'd always wanted himself. And he felt compassion- the desperate need to protect her- and thoughhe could never admit it, in that moment, he recognised her as a part of himself.
"Pull the devision out. Forget the droid. We have what we need." With a wave of his hand, Rey fell unconscious. He caught her before she hit the ground and sweeped her off of the ground. He made his way back to the ship, the troopers following closely behind him.
As he walked in, he could feel his father's eyes following him from afar. His heart shurned and he cursed under his breath. He looked down at the girl scooped in his arms and was overwhelmed with a strange feeling he'd never experienced before. Then he realized something.
The voice in her memories -her voice- it was the same one that whispered his name.
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New chapter!! Who would've thought, right? But good news! I'm done with finals on the 16th so I should be going back to my usual updating schedule. Anyways, see you soon. Stay safe! Roumy.
