Taisetsu (Book 1.5 of the Kakureta Hana series)

IV: Revealing

The sentence that Father passed upon Amachi Junichi and Igarashi Ryuu is based more on what he thinks is best for me, rather than actual punishment for the clan leader and his general. He has noticed lately that I am not myself, but I refuse to tell him why, mainly because there is nothing he could do about it even if I did.

Every day I wish that Tadashi would have never chosen to leave the fields of life for the fields of death. Perhaps if he had never met me, he would not have taken up a katana to fight by my eldest brother's side and would have never found his death in bloody battle.

It no longer matters if my heart longs to have been able to become Tadashi's wife. It no longer matters that we had both declared our love for each other. It no longer matters that I was the reason that he decided to seek glory on the battlefield.

I smile when Father hands down his judgement, a little bit of the cloud that has drifted through my mind dissipating. Junichi is the closest thing I will have to my love now, and while he is not the man that I wish I would be marrying, I count him among my friends. And Junichi is not a cruel man. His clan is prosperous despite of the unending war, and he will treat me kindly even if we never love each other.

I comfort myself with that thought even though it is not how I had hoped my story would turn out. A shadow passing in front of my door catches my attention, and I glance towards it, noticing that whoever it is still lingers in front of the door.

It is moments such as these that I wish that my mother had allowed me to learn something of the craft of war. While it is not likely that someone who wished to harm me would stand so obviously in front of the door, I know that it is not an impossibility.

Looking about, I scramble to find something that would inflict enough damage to allow me time to flee if the person outside my door is not someone friendly, only to find basically nothing. I sigh and resign myself to the fact that I am defenseless if they choose to attack me.

That decided, I seat myself on the floor in front of my writing table, determined to distract myself from the shadow that is lingering. Least to say, it does me no good, and something akin to relief floods my body when a quiet voice drifts through the door.

"Lady Rika, I am sorry for the lateness of the hour, but may I have a moment of your time?"

I rise and open the door for Junichi, wondering why it took him so long to decide to say something to me. "It is never a bother to open my door to you, Junichi. Come take a seat."

He looks pale in the light of my room and, despite my invitation to sit, lingers close to the door as if he expects to flee at any moment. His fingers fidget with the sleeves of his kimono, and the longer I watch him, the more nervous I begin to feel.

"Lady Rika, we have known each other for most of our lives at this, so I feel that I must be honest with you. I know well what your father hopes to gain from Ryuu and me remaining here for the next three years, and I know that you understand what his plans are.

"I count you among my dearest friends. Were the circumstances not as they were, I would gladly allow your father to continue to push us along this path, but I fear that it will only lead to heartache for both of us. You deserve someone who will cherish you, both as a friend and as a wife, and I can only fulfill one of those obligations."

My own face paling, I blink at Junichi. He seems to have more to say but is either waiting for me to gather my own thoughts or is too nervous to continue. "Did you lie to my father and me, Junichi? Is there truly something romantic between your general and you that prevents a marriage between us?"

"No," the word bursts out of him strangely, "we did not lie to you. This has nothing to do with Ryuu and everything to do with me. If we were to marry, Rika, there would be no children produced from such a union."

He kneels on the tatami before me, taking my hands. I can feel the muscles beneath his skin jumping even as the rest of him becomes stone-still. "I find that I must trust you with a secret that very few people alive in this world know about me. Thus, I am placing my life within your hands as I ask you not to reveal to anyone what I am about to tell you."

Mind spinning, I stare into Junichi's dark eyes, both fearful and curious what he has to tell me. "I will keep quiet about what you are going to tell me, Junichi. As you have said, we have known each other for many years. As long as this information does not harm my father or brothers in any way, no one shall ever hear it pass my lips."

A wordless sigh brushes over our joined hands, and he bows his head for a moment. "For the entirety of my life, I have been forced to live in a role that should not have been mine to claim. Rika, my father may have declared that my mother bore him a son on the day of my birth, but he lied. My mother gave birth to a daughter, and in his fear, my father concealed the truth.

"Now, I must ask you to help me learn what I should have, to become a woman, for the continuation of my clan without being shame to my father's name. Lady Fujioka Rika, are you able and willing to help me?"

I take a deep breath, open my mouth, and then take another deep breath. "You are a woman?"

Junichi nods, and with this new information, I find myself looking back at all our interactions over the years. Now that I have been told, it seems so apparent and explains some of the inconsistencies that I had found.

"Why are you asking me this now? What has changed that made it impossible for you to keep up with the role that your father left you?" I ask, feeling my hopes crumble under me once more.

"My clan will need an heir to carry on the Amachi legacy. I am unable to do that without raising questions about my true identity, and since I am needed in battle, I must make sure that future is secure sooner. The shinobi have a plan, but in order for it to work, I must be able to act as a lady rather than the lord I was raised as. I do not trust anyone else to help me other than Ryuu, and he would be rather useless in that regard."

For the first time since entering my rooms, Junichi manages to smile. "Will you help me, Rika?"

"Who will end up taking your place? Even if you manage to disappear and live your life, what will become of your clan without someone to lead them, someone who understands how to best protect them?"

She squeezes my hands gently. "There is someone who is working to learn how to take my place. And the shinobi have told me that you will end becoming the lady of the Amachi clan if this plan is successful."

I extract my hands and rise, turning to stare out into the night air. More hopes shattered, crumbling before me like the day that news came back that Tadashi had fallen in battle. We both know what danger we would be putting ourselves in, but a part of me is sick of sitting back, waiting for my future to write itself.

I look back at Junichi, realizing that despite the fact that she had been raised as a boy, she is just as trapped as I have been. And without allowing myself to think further about it, I open my mouth and simply say, "Yes."