Love Is Lost...

Chapter 1 : I Still Miss Her

Trey

"One whole year." I said to myself while sitting indian style, in front of my late wife Keri's headstone. My gray cotton sweatpants, a black 'SVPREME' hoodie, and a pair of wheat colored Timberlands kept me warm in this cold, November weather. I sipped on a small cup of Starbuck's Caffe Mocha with whipped cream and instantly started thinking about the memeories me and my bae Keri shared. I'd always dress warm in our bed around this time, and she would always snuggle up against me.

Sometimes it doesn't even feel like she's gone. Whenever I come home and I'd cook, I still fix a plate for her. When I go to bed, It still feels like she's right beside me. When I walk into the closet to pick out my clothes, I can still smell her Versace Bright Crystal Absolu perfume ligering around the room, indicating she sprayed too much. And when 2:45 AM hits, I still wake up, expecting a tap on my shoulder for me to tak Keri to the bathroom. She was so afraid of the dark. I chuckled at the memories.

"I miss you baby. Losing you was the worst day of my life. I still cry about it, I still think about it, I still think about you. Baby, I still love you and I always will. I still wear my weding band." I paused to stare at my golden wedding band. I flipped my hand over to read the words "With Much Love" carved on the back of the ring. I continued ",And when we burried you I promised to never take it off. To never love another woman. " I stated. I had to stop because I started to get emotional as a tear streamed down my face and I quickly wiped it away. I have got to get myself together.

"But um..." I stated. "Aaliyah started second grade in September and boy she's learning alot. She still got that smart mouth. Got that from you." I chuckled. "She made straight A's. I'm so proud of her. Maya started kindergarten and she's drawing all over the house. Drawing picture's, learning her ABC's, 123's, colors, you name it. Asia is still growing and still adorable. It's hard raising them without you." I stated as I rubbed my hand over the rose carved into her white headstone.

"Oh, I almost forgot." I said standing up and jogging over to my black Range Rover, clicking the button on my keys to open the front door, grabbing a dozen long stem, red roses and a picture. I shut the door and shoved my keys into the pocket of my hoodie and walked towards my wife's grave. "I know you loved red roses." I stated while placing the roses in front of her headstone. "The girls also drew you a picture." I paused and looked at the picture. It had me standing behind my three daughters, Aaliyah, Mya and Asia, looking into the sky. In the sky, I saw Keri dressed in all white with a white halo over her head, with her hands in a prayer position and a soft smile on her face. I looked at this picture over a millon times and I still say "wow". I placed the picture in the platic wrap with the roses. I'm glad I printed a copy of this picture. A tear fell down my face. I raised some amazing kids.

"Ima find whoever did this to you baby. I promise." I bent over and kissed her headstone. I stood and shoved my hands in my pockets of my hoodie. I admired the white, shiny, granite headstone with a beautiful long rose carved, starting from the bottom left corner and ending to the top right hand corner. I remember stressing over this. I wanted my wife to have the best treatment from the flowers  to her casket to her burial. She was buried in a white and gold stainless steel casket and white and red roses were surrounded her casket. Her funeral was beautiful and peaceful. Tamela Mann sang one of Keri's favorite songs "Take Me To The King" and Marsha Ambrosius and Anthony Hamilton sang "As", the reprise of Stevie Wonder's song "As", and Mary Mary sang "Yesterday" as her casket was being carried to the grave yard for her burial. I was an emotional wreck that day.

I began to read the words engraved on her headstone. It read:

Mrs. Keri Lynn Hilson Neverson

December 9, 1982 - November 4, 2013

A loving mother, fantastic wife, encouraging daughter, and uplifting friend to all.

You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on. -David Harkins

A big smile appeared acrossed my face. "I love you, Keri." I whispered. "I'll see you soon."

I turned around to walk to my Range Rover. I opened the door and hopped into the drivers seat, and closed the door. As I was about to put the key into my ignition, I started to think about the memories me and Keri shared. I miss her so much. Thinking about how in the world I'll survive without her, I broke down in tears.

Within 10 minutes of crying, I heard a tap on my window. I looked up and saw Pastor Wyatt, the pastor of the church I went to and the person in charge of the grave yard Keri was buried at. he wore a black collar buttoned down shirt, black pants, a pair of Oreo 6 Air Jordan's and a gold rolex on his wrist. He was light kinned skinned with a neatly shaved goatee.

"How you been, Brother Tremaine? It's been a while since I've seen you at church on Sundays." He stated in his deep, yet southern accent. I wiped the tears from my wet face and eyes. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I began to regain my composure. "I'm good Pastor. And um, I'm sorry about that. I'll start coming back soon." I stated.

He let out a light chuckle. "You know it's bad to lie in front of a church too, right?" He stated with a raised eyebrow. I fellt embarassed >.<. He turned his head towards the grave yard and noticed the roses in front of Keri's headstone.

"Visited Keri, huh?" Pastor asked in a concerned tone. "Yes sir, I just came from there." I stated.

"How ya holdin' up, son?" He asked. All I could do is shake my head. "You know, you can cry in front me. I won't judge, I won't tell."

It took a while just for me to just talk to him. This woman was my everything. My first true love, my lover, my bestfriend, the mother of my kids, my world, my wife, my everything. Some son a bitch took that away from me. I felt tears form in my eyes and some fell down my face and onto my lap. I kissed my teeth and gripped the steering wheel.

"I still miss her."