The Heart Of Ace

Chapter 35

I stared at my phone. It had been days... I had not received a text, a call, a mail...

I really meant nothing to him, did I?

They were still somewhere doing what lovers do.

Were they kissing? Were they fucking? Were they holding hands? Were they cuddling?

Of course they were. That was what 'madly and hopelessly in love' people did, right?

Janice had posted a pic in Facebook. She was seated near a window, I guessed, by the streak of sunlight on her hand. The pic was of Robbie waiting impatiently in a long queue of some fancy diner.

It was the caption that made me cry. When you crave something, your bae will get it for you.
Thanks darling, for loving me so much.

I wiped my eyes. It was so freaking obvious. I had no idea why I was making such a big deal of it.

Maybe because I was not sleeping well these days. I thought everything would be fine when I reached home. Nope, still had nightmares, still felt like my heart was squeezed, still struggled to breath freely.

If I stopped waiting for him to call me, then I would not be so disappointed every single night.

One last call. I promised myself. This would be the last. I just wanted to hear his voice. I would ask if he was okay and I would hang up.

Before long I was laughing like a maniac. The number I was trying to reach was not available. He changed his number.

All because I had called him.

So funny.

I was sorry. I did not know I was a nuisance. Well, it was easy to keep my own promise. I could not call him again, could I?

It is not a big deal, Ace. Stop being so dramatic.

I wished Jason was here. He would know what to tell my aching heart. This time I had a reason to tell Jason. How could I profess my undying love to Robbie when he changed his number because I was calling.

I was such an ungrateful bitch. My best friend Jason, he had no home to go to, had no family who cared about him but I had. Yet, here I was throwing a tantrum because a casual fling was broken.

I made myself believe that Rob...Robert meant nothing to me. It was easy, it was not like he was there waiting for me to acknowledge my feelings.

Hello Mr. Fox, the grapes are truly really soar.

It was easy until I had to see him again.

Mom had said they were extending their stay in Lovers' Paradise, and would be unable to attend the party. But he was here.

He was here!!!

I was in the ball room fixing the lighting for the party when I heard someone saying something about Janice and I heard he was here too.

I ran. Across the huge hall to the corridors to the music room to the stairs and stopped.

I panted clutching on the banister and leaned a bit, so I could see him. Was he really okay?

Did he see me? Did he miss me?

I did not know what I was expecting. But him looking at me, like he had never known me in his entire life was not it.

It was not even a look; it was a glance.

And here I was thinking the pain in my heart would not get any worse. How wrong!!!

Whoever came into my house along with Janice was not my Robbie. This man looked like he never knew me, never touched my body... never made me scream... never whispered my name in my ears begging me to open myself wider...never tasted me and was thirsty for more.

It was all worse thinking he was never mine to begin with.

I felt something flicker in my heart and die.

My hope.

All this time, unknown to me, I was hoping that he did not come to me because he was unable to, that he was not responding because he had some external pressure holding him back.

Nope, he was ignoring me because he wanted to.

I thought I had made myself believe that this man was not special to me. The pain was unbearable and I went back to my room, so no one would hear me sob.

How pathetic could you be, Ace?

He was a married man. Whatever I was going through I deserved it.

But this was good. This was how it was supposed to be. He had his loving wife with him. I heard they were staying till the party. I just had to stay away from them, till then. That was all.

Nothing happened between Robert and I. All these times I was in a dream where I was loved, cared and cherished by someone who held my heart.

Even after giving myself a solid hour of pep talk, going through every possible scenario that would hurt me and crying beforehand, even after knowing that he was indeed a married man, it still hurt.

Dinner was of course a noisy affair but I was drawn into Robert's words like moth to flame. I knew they would burn me.

'I have better things to do but my wife insisted we come today.'

'Had it not been for Madam Claire, I would not attend this party. She wants me here. I cannot wait to go back.'

'Boston is not a good place for my business. I might drop the project follow ups.'

Every single word slicing through my heart. I thought I could handle the pain. I thought I could handle him near me.

I was done after taking three nibbles of appetiser. I could not swallow. Something was stuck on my throat.

When I heard him talking about Paris, I stopped trying to mimic eating and excused myself from further humiliation and went back to my room.

This was for the best, Ace.

This was for the best.

If this was what Robbie wanted I would give him that.