The Heart Of Ace

Chapter 34

Jason thought of locking me inside my room and go out to buy breakfast. But he changed his mind when he looked at me. He claimed he did not want me alone and ordered breakfast to my room. Thankfully he let the topic drop for a few minutes.

"I am sorry, I lied." Jason started.

"No, it is okay. It is your life." I should stop thinking that I was special all the time.

"I forget; now I have people who truly care about me. And trust and loyalty goes both ways. You gave me a chance when no one else did."

I shrugged. It was not a big deal. He was amazing. He just did not know it himself.

Jason sighed. "I was a frat party mistake. Both parents tried to be amazing teen parents but screwed up from the start. I became a nuisance and they shuttled me to and fro and finally dropped me altogether after getting equal rights from law."

He snorted. "I still do not know why they fought for parental rights if they...shit...this is difficult."

He took a huge gulp of his coffee. "Wish I had something stronger." I did not laugh like he expected.

"Umm...I was not welcome at both of the houses. I was that stray cat they could not get rid of. When they got married to their spouses, it became even worse. I had no place to go and they would forget about me. Vacations became really bad when they had their own children. Can you believe, if I tell you, your wallet was the first present I ever got in my entire life?"

Jason stood up and took our stashed up whiskey and gulped a shot.

"Nobody gave me anything just because they could. I stopped going to their home when I turned fourteen. Finally, it got inside my thick head that I was unwanted. I shuffled between some friends houses, school gym, and ended up working for a garage."

I could not believe what I was hearing! He was just a kid. He was tending for himself all these years.

I took the whiskey away from him because he was squeezing it so hard.

"I worked as their receptionist before and after school, and I got them good business. When I graduated from high school, I used my skills to get me some money. So, why not get certified for it? And here I am. I do not have a home to go to Dave. I just...stay here."

I gulped. I could never imagine myself in that position.

Robbie had been in foster care since he was five and he kind of got used to it. But I think Jason was still in so much pain.

"So, let us try again. What is this all about?"

I shrugged.

But...

Words started pouring like a waterfall. I could not hold it in. I was hurt. I did not know how much that man meant to me. God!

"I LOVE HIM. I was the one who wanted him. I still want him. I can't think of a life without him. I was there always, yet, he ... he did not choose me...What about me?"

Tears were flowing like a stream.

"I want him, Jace. He belongs to me but he does not. I belong him and I do. It is one way and I don't think I can handle this anymore. I want him with me always."

I sobbed.

"You enjoy sex with Robert. But you love him more." He was not asking.

I could not meet his eyes. I forgot, how good he was at reading people.

It did register to me that I did not say it was Robbie but Jason successfully deduced it was him. How long had he known?

I was sure the blush was not recognisable because I was as red as lobster from all the crying.

"Tell him all this."

My head snapped towards him.

"Are you fucking crazy?" I gaped. "I cannot do that. He is married. I cannot do that."

"Why not? You guys always fuck. All the time you get alone, you fuck. It is almost like you cannot wait for the next time to come. When you are not together, he is the only one you think about. Are you telling me that is better? Give me a break."

"If he wanted to be with me, he would have married me. He would be here with me like he promised. He would not have left with her to Paris!" I hated this feeling. I had never felt this before.

I hated this.

"Are you sure he knows that you love him like this?"

Was Jason always this stupid?

"Of course, he knows. One touch and I melt. I cannot stay away from him. I hurt every time when he is away from me. I... I spread myself like a fucking whore every time he..." My throat was hurting.

"I am going to ask you again, Dave. Does he know?"

"Why else would I do it?" I snapped.

"Davidson, love and sex are not mutually inclusive. You can have sex and not feel anything in heart. I have done it plenty of times. The sex was amazing but nothing after. Dave, with right amount of touch, anyone can fuck anyone. You and I can do it if we wanted. But we would not fall in love. We are more like best friends turned brothers. Our love is different. Are you following me?"

I nodded. "But he was the only one I ever had. I cannot stand anyone else. Hell, I cannot touch myself without thinking about him. I would not even get hard if it is not him."

"Dave, I know that. You know that. But does he know? He might be thinking you enjoy sex with him but not love. Tell him all these. What is there to lose?"

What was there to lose? My sanity.

What if I told him and he reply that...

That he did not love me and all I ever was a quick fuck? That he truly loved Janice and I was merely a temptation? Or he simply got a kick from fucking me behind her back?

I felt a hug.

"I know you have a lot to lose. But Dave, you are breaking."