A Beautiful Butterfly

Chapter 15

Tuesday was the last day Mark had walked with Jinyoung and the rest of the week, it felt like those days when Jinyoung and Mark had not known each other personally.

That week, Mark had not been in many classes and it was getting more and more difficult for Jinyoung to see him, let alone meet him.

There was no conflict between them, Jinyoung was sure: they had been all fine the last time they had been together. And Mark looked rather occupied by something else than trying to avoid Jinyoung on purpose.

Indeed, Jinyoung remembered that Seoah girl and afraid it might be because of her. But whenever he eavesdropped the conversations of Mark and his friends, he heard no mention of her.

That comforted and reassured him a little bit. Probably Mark was busy with something and eventually things would go back to normal. He could wait. Although he felt so lonely without Mark. He missed those days when he had made Mark smile; he loved how his stomach had felt weird whenever they had been together.

It was the last weekday of that empty week, Friday, and Jinyoung was alone at the usual bench, after lunch. He did not even have any desire to continue the classes of the day but skipping all the afternoon classes would be too much.

He had not seen Mark the whole morning and had been on the verge of asking his friends. But he was still awkward with them and did not want to arouse their old suspicion.

Tomorrow was weekend and where were their weekend plans Mark had talked about? Seemed like Jinyoung would have to spend this weekend at the dorm, just like those old days.

His train of thought was interrupted by the message notification sound from his phone. The only one who often messaged him was Wonpil but this time, it turned out to be from Mark. To Jinyoung's surprise. They had exchanged the numbers long ago but Mark had never contacted him before and neither had he Mark.

The text read: 'Where're you? In the class?'.

Jinyoung quickly typed that he was at the bench and got an immediate reply 'OK. Wait for me there'.

Yes! That was it! At last, he was going to have a chance to ask Mark what had kept him busy the previous days. And they would make plans for the weekend.

About ten minutes later, he heard footsteps approaching him and knowing Mark would come and sit beside him, he did not bother to turn around. But yeah, he was nervous, so nervous he could barely sit still.

"Jinyoung," Mark called.

In the end, Jinyoung had to turn around anyway. But alas, what he saw shocked him and rendered him speechless. There, his greatest fear proved to be reality after all.

Mark was with a girl of their age; she was almost as tall as Mark, with long, brown hair and square shoulders. But most importantly, her hand was in Mark's.

Jinyoung turned to Mark, who looked not at all aware of the emotions stirred in a turmoil in Jinyoung. He knew what it was between Mark and that girl. But what he could not understand was why Mark had brought her here.

"Seoah, this is Jinyoung I've talked about. He's a special friend of mine," Mark said and then turned to address Jinyoung, "Jinyoung, I wanted you to be the very first one to meet my girlfriend. Well, Jackson and Jaebum know Seoah but have no idea we are a thing now. This is Seoah, Jinyoung."

Jinyoung was slightly shaking; he heard and registered some of the words but he was more aware of his own heartbeats than any external sounds. He stared at the extended hand she offered, saying something, but his vision was blurred by his own tears.

He was shocked and hurt but there was also another emotion. Anger. How could Mark be ignorant of his feelings? Had he thought whatever feelings Jinyoung had for him was not at all serious? Was Mark expecting him to meet his brand-new girlfriend and congratulate them like a cool friend he was supposed to be?

He turned his teary eyes upward to meet Mark's for one last time, before he marched away, clutching his bag strap tight.

"Jinyoung. Hey, what's the matter?"

Jinyoung rubbed his eyes roughly and continued his way out of the campus.

His legs gave out as soon as he got back into his dorm room and he broke down near the bed, slumping against it and started to cry.

He was a fool. He had stupidly trusted in miracle. He had been delusional. He had let Wonpil convince him. He had thought Mark's words at the seaport had meant something. He had been shamelessly in love with someone who did not even try to be a little more aware of his feelings.

He hated himself for being so weak. He hated that he was crying for someone who had led him high only to let him fall. He hated even more the fact that Mark was all oblivious of his fault and that he had done that introducing thing with good intention.

Jinyoung got up to his own feet, paced the space between his bed and Wonpil's, went to the window and punched the wall. He liked this pain better; his bruised fist was thrown against the wall, twice, thrice, and till he lost count. Till blood was dripping down onto the floor.

Like someone who had no more strength or energy, he fell back, his back against the wall, onto the floor. Everything came back; the image of Mark with the girl, the jeering words directed at him, Mark's friends' mockery, the distasteful glances at him, the faces that smiled proudly while humiliating him, the gossiping whispers, and all those eyes that expected him to receive their blows like a little coward who could not defend himself.

He hated them. He always had and he did now more than ever.