A Beautiful Butterfly

Chapter 27

The class after lunch was where both Mark and Jinyoung were supposed to be. But when the seat Jinyoung should be in was empty, Mark got restless. What if Jinyoung was with someone? It had been days since Jinyoung had been last seen with Jae. But he could date anyone anytime and that was such an unsettling thought.

Mark felt a need to search for Jinyoung and be reassured that no one was with him. But how could he find Jinyoung? Was Jinyoung already out of the campus?

Mark sneaked out of the classroom and began his impossible search. He checked the restaurant Jinyoung usually sat at first, which was futile. He went on to the bench where Jinyoung would likely be found.

What he was doing, was it even reasonable? Was he so pathetic? Only for Jinyoung. Only he could render Mark so.

The day was fairly bright. The campus was so quiet and empty, except a few students lounging here and there on the green lawn. It would have been a perfectly fine day for Mark, if not for his nerve-wracking thoughts. But he found Jinyoung.

Under the gingko tree and its cool shade, Jinyoung was asleep, his head pillowed on his bag. Either asleep or was just lying, with his eyes closed. Mark felt a sudden surge of affection. How serene the sight was!

He tentatively approached in case Jinyoung heard him, which, however, he soon found out was unnecessary since Jinyoung was really sleeping. He sat down and explored through Jinyoung's hair with his fingers, caressing the strands gently. When had been the last time his heart had beaten this fast? Maybe when he had kissed Jinyoung?

Would Jinyoung wake up if his lips were touched? Mark felt so tempted to take advantage of the current situation. But he did not want to ruin the chance of staying with Jinyoung a little longer.

Yet it was ruined. Too soon. Jinyoung was suddenly awake and startled for a moment, before batting Mark's hand away from his head. There was no trace of anger but only irritation.

Another rejection. Mark had no desire to move even when Jinyoung was already up on his feet, ready to leave. But he could not watch Jinyoung go away, either. It all happened in a mere second and he found himself tightly holding Jinyoung from the back.

"Get off me," Jinyoung demanded.

"No. Can we stay like this for a little while? Why can't we be together?" Mark asked, knowing he would get no answer. "I really want to be with you."

Why had Mark not stopped yet? Jinyoung reminded himself that he would not waver. He was already used to being away from Mark. He could already live without Mark, couldn't he?

"Don't you feel anything when I hold you like this?" Mark continued, like a child insisting until he could get something he wanted. "Didn't you feel anything when I kissed you? You still like me, don't you? I know you do."

Jinyoung was on the verge of saying he did not anymore. Just to get away. Just to vex Mark, who was assuming things as he wanted. But it would be a lie. He could not bring himself to say it.

All he did was removing Mark's hands, which could have stubbornly tightened their hold but did not. He walked away, not turning back to see how Mark was left.

In the afternoon when their classes were all over, Mark was in pursuit again.

"Let me walk with you at least."

Jinyoung did not say anything. It was only a matter of time before Mark got tired of this. Tired of him. Hadn't Mark discovered already that the Jinyoung he had known and claimed to miss, was no more in the one he was chasing after now?

In case Jinyoung walked faster to get rid of him, Mark took his hand and entwined their fingers despite Jinyoung's attempt to break loose. And bringing them to his lips, Mark kissed the back of Jinyoung's hand, the warmth from which fastened his heart.

Jinyoung was subtly biting his lower lip, probably suppressing some reaction and it was all Mark needed to be convinced that Jinyoung still had feelings for him, no matter how good he was at concealing them.

"Are you going straight back to the dorm? Wanna go grab some coffee with me?"

Did he ask for too much? Because all of a sudden, a stoic expression was back on Jinyoung's face and he pulled his hand off roughly.

"Jinyoung, why're you being like this? Is it because you think I don't deserve you?" Mark said, his voice on the brink of shuddering. "Aren't I the one who has tried to be with you since the beginning? When there was no one, wasn't I there for you?"

"You can hate me all you want," Jinyoung said.

"No, I can't. That's not what I want. I'm not digging up the past to point out your fault or anything of that sort. I just don't understand why you still refuse me. Tell me why."

"I've nothing to tell you. Stop pestering me! How about you move on and leave me alone?" Jinyoung said, both sarcastically and challengingly.

"You're just saying. You don't really want that."

"Think what you want." But as expected, whatever he said did not stop Mark. How long that resolution would last, Jinyoung wondered.