A Beautiful Butterfly

Chapter 20

Jinyoung came to a halt when he saw Mark leaning against the door frame of the classroom, his back facing Jinyoung. He did not like the idea that he would have to pass by Mark to enter the classroom.

But then, as if Mark could feel Jinyoung's eyes on him, he turned around and looked at Jinyoung, not at all moving for a moment. Then he was rushing forward and held Jinyoung's wrist before taking him away.

When they were out on the lawn, he released Jinyoung and with no more second lost, started talking.

"Did you break up with Jiwon yesterday?" Mark asked, although he did not need the answer. "Jinyoung, listen to me. What you're doing, it's all nonsense. You don't like those girls but you dated them. And then broke up with them. For what?"

"I already told you the reason. Didn't I? Why don't you just mind your own business?" Jinyoung said, witnessing how something similar to sorrow flicking across Mark's face.

"I'm your friend," Mark stated. But both his voice and expression showed uncertainty. Because it was clear that Jinyoung did not acknowledge him as one anymore. "Maybe, to you, I'm not your friend anymore. But to me, you're still my friend. I'm concerned for you. I don't want people to think of you as someone you're not."

"Funny, I've never thought of you as a friend. You should've never worried about me. Why don't you fuss over your girlfriend or your real friends instead?"

In Mark's eyes was pure incredulity. He was hurt, Jinyoung could see it, but Jinyoung did not regret. He was going to make Mark see the point that there should be nothing like friendship between them.

"You don't mean any of this, Jinyoung. It's all out of spite, isn't it?"

"It's the truth. I've never seen you as a friend. Didn't you believe your friends when they accused me? Did you never notice that I...," Jinyoung shook his head, feeling that these words were unnecessary. "Just know that I've never been your friend and I'll never be."

Silence fell. Mark was searching for words; he tried but he could not find any. He held Jinyoung's wrist. He did not want Jinyoung to leave.

"Whatever the reason is, just please don't destroy yourself. Promise me that at least," Mark pleaded.

"You should stop meddling with my life. I don't need to give you any promise and I'm not going to." With that said, Jinyoung shook his hand free and walked away. He had learned to hate himself when he felt so weak. Although he knew he had been too unfair to Mark, he could still march away, never wavering for a moment.

In one of the classes when the lecturer was not in yet, a girl named Subin was trying to chat with Jinyoung, who would have ignored her, if not for Mark.

When she came, sat next to him and initiated a conversation, Jinyoung, by chance, met Mark's eyes that turned to him at Subin's voice. Only to prove the point that Mark could have no influence on him, Jinyoung let her talk and feigned interest in her.

He did not say anything when Subin drew her chair and sat next to him so close their thighs were almost in contact.

"I'm so bad at taking selfies, aren't I?" She showed him the selfies on her phone, one after another and them never seeming to run out. "Look at this one! Don't I look so funny?"

"No, I think you look good," Jinyoung said, knowing it was what she wanted to hear.

"No way! This one's even worse, isn't it?" she said, leaning closer to Jinyoung and her hand already laid on his thigh. "Doesn't my face look too small here?"

"Kind of," Jinyoung answered, starting to get irritated. She, at last, put her phone away and faced Jinyoung to openly stare at him.

For a split second, from the corner of his eyes, Jinyoung saw Mark turning to look at them. It drove Jinyoung to gently fix Subin's bangs on her forehead. She giggled with delight and moved her hand subtly across his thigh.

"I like your eyebrows," she said, dreamily.

And Jinyoung replied accordingly, "Only eyebrows?"

"Oh, I like your eyes too. And your nose, your lips. In fact, everything I'm seeing now."

"I could say the same to you."

Mark abruptly rose from his seat and went out of the classroom. Jinyoung, having caught a glimpse of that, wondered if it was because of him. It was better anyway since he was in no mood to continue flirting with Subin.

"You should go back to your seat."

It was so unexpected that she was startled. "But I'm sitting here."

He removed her hand from his thigh, "Don't you think you're too close to me?"

"What? I thought you liked it!" She grudgingly and sullenly moved her chair away. She was kind of saved from this embarrassment when the lecturer came in.

In the afternoon, when Jinyoung was on the campus, he saw Mark with Seoah near the car park. Every time he saw them together, he felt like a loser. The sight of them together always reminded him that his heart was still beating for Mark. Ever so painfully.

They were talking and afraid that Mark might look around, Jinyoung did not linger his eyes on them for long and steadily continued his way.

He remembered those days when it had been him who had been with Mark in the afternoons, not Seoah. Those memories still remained in him and his heart ached at the thought of them. Just for now, he wanted to indulge in revisiting them again and being his old fragile self. Just for now.