e v e r y t i m e (hs)

NOTHING BREAKS LIKE A HEART

July 9th, 2019.

Harry went to Canada. He went with the Crawfords, of course. I was still in New York. Tour rehearsals. We just started and had a month until our first concert at Wembley. Yup, Wembley. We were starting in Europe first. Starts at the end of a month and ends at the end of October. I had a pretty busy few months on the road coming up.

As excited I was to be traveling and performing for a new crowd every night, I felt worried. No, not worried. Stagnant. Yup, stagnant. I had no idea why but I knew for sure it had nothing to do with that night on the balcony with Harry. As depressive as that conversation I had with him, I was not depressed. Stagnant but not depressed. I don't know why but I felt like my life was moving at all. Like I was just stuck in one spot and can't move. I knew I could move but I didn't feel like moving. I didn't feel like anything pleased me. Everything bored me. And boredom sometimes killed me.

"I WANNA DIE!" I shouted out loud.

I heard the dropping of a stack of papers onto the floor. I felt the vibration of it. I stared up at the ceiling until Billie came into my view.

"You made Mark drop his papers" She said.

I laid on the stage with my arms wide out. Billie stood next to me, hovering over me.

"Did I?" I asked her.

She nodded.

"Planning to get off the floor?" Billie asked.

"Give it another minute" I said.

Billie put her hand out for me to take. I held her hand. I jolted, sitting up as Billie pulled me up. She let go of my hand.

"Florida Kilos" Billie said.

I looked to Aaron, Chris and Andy.

"Florida Kilos?" I asked, not knowing where we were up to.

Chris looked to Billie. Billie walked over to my microphone stand and grabbed my microphone from it. She handed it to me.

"Here" Billie said. "Lay down, sit, stand. Do whatever you want, just sing"

I nodded.

"Let's start" I said into the microphone.

Billie started to play the opening chords on her guitar.

"White lines, pretty baby, tattoos" I sang. "Don't know what they mean, they're special, just for you. White palms. Baking powder on the stove, cooking up a dream. Turning diamonds into snow"

The faint hitting of the drums kicked in as Aaron played.

"I feel you, pretty baby, feel me" I sang out loud in the empty room. "Turn it up hot, loving you is free. I like it down, like it down, way low. But you already know that, you already know"

I looked to Andy as the she played the piano. I didn't hear the sound of the door opening as Chris began to mimic Billie's chords on his guitar.

"Come on down to Florida, I got something for ya" I sang, looking away from Andy and looking to Ashton. "We could see the kilos or the Keys, baby, oh-"

Wait, Ashton?

I stopped singing. Aaron and Andy continued to play. Billie and Chris stopped. Aaron and Andy stopped the second after.

"What happened?" Aaron asked.

"Finally" Billie said, unplugging her guitar. "Took you long enough"

Billie walked over to Ashton. He had a guitar case in his hand. He carefully set it on the ground. He unzipped it, opening it.

"What?" Chris asked. "Couldn't played on the Fender?"