i wanna skateboard → misc.

I'm scared to love - rant

feel free to skip this. It's not an actual chapter. Just a rant about me slowly falling for my best friend.

k, so my best friend. let's say his name is jackson. so Jackson and I have been in the same class since kindergarten. In 1st grade he asked me to marry him but that's beside the point. We're in eighth grade now so crushes are getting real. i haven't liked him since second grade but we have become very close. 

I go over to his house all the time. I've spent the night there. We are very close.

Well earlier this year, I asked him who he like and he said, "a different girl named nicole". I wasn't sure if it were me or not because he had done something similar before when he said he like someone named joanne but we didn't know her when it turned out she went to our school. At the time, I already had two crushes and (sorry I'm one of those boy crazy girls) wasn't interested in him.

My other best friend was though. Jessica had been crushing on Jackson for years. She was the jock and so was Jackson. They got along well and for the longest time, Jackson liked Jessica but I swore to Jackson I wouldn't tell Jessica. Then it got awkward being in the middle because Jessica kept crying over a stupid boy. She was (and still is) jealous of how close me and him are. 

This past weekend though, I think I might have got feelings back for him. We were at a competition and they were announcing the awards. When they called me up to the stage, he pushed me forward and started getting emotional which is very rare for him. I looked at him then I walked up to the stage and back after receiving my award. While they were announcing the rest of the awards, I think we really connected and i had this fluttery heart thing which I haven't experienced before. 

What do I do? 

I clearly like Jackson but if we go to the dance or something like that together, Jessica will hate me and if I were her, I would hate me too. She really likes him.

Ahhhh so sorry for the rant...

And the worst part is, I know he doesn't like Jessica anymore but what if he doesn't like me back...