Path To Resolution (Fighter's Den, #5)

Chapter 17 - Melanie

I slept like a fucking baby last night. Apparently laying out your darkest secrets and worst nightmares to the man you're (probably) falling in love with is the best kind of melatonin around. Go figure.

I haven't slept that peacefully in ages. Nightmares have been an unwanted companion of mine for as long as I can remember. I don't get them as often as I used to but when I do, they fuck me up to the point where I can't sleep properly for the next few days. When I finally do manage to escape the lingering feelings, the dread and anxiety and fear, I catch maybe one or two nights of peace before experiencing another nightmare. I've been stuck in this vicious cycle for too fucking long. Whether it's a flashback of Uncle Gary holding me down or the memory of Rebecca, I'm always haunted by something in the back of my mind. My demons never really go away but last night was the exception. Last night I slept without the weight on my chest or the anticipation of what my mind might show me if I fell asleep. I just closed my eyes, saw and felt nothing, and woke up feeling lighter than air. God, I could get used to that.

And waking up to Wolfe? It's fucking terrifying how I could get used to that too. As soon as I came to in the morning, I peeked over the edge of my bed and Wolfe was exactly where he was when we went to sleep — lying down on a blanket next to my bed and my fingers loosely intertwined with his. I don't know how but he managed to hold my hand the entire night without letting go and I think I could have stayed like that forever. I did give myself a few moments, though. Just watched him quietly and couldn't help but realize how different he looked when he slept. He'd looked so peaceful, his features relaxed and the always present harsh creases finally gone. He looked innocent and boyish and calm and it made me wonder what happened to him that made him so wary and angry with the world, wondered if he'd ever confide in me someday.

I didn't tell him all my secrets just so he could tell me his but it would be nice to know he trusts me the way I trust him now. I don't think I've ever trusted anyone the way I trust him. I know that just means I have a greater chance of being hurt but it also means that the most important person in my life has seen all of me and is staying anyways. I revealed every scar and every last ugly truth and he stayed. He knows me and he's still here. I didn't expect that.

What guy wants to stick around a chick who's been sexually abused for a good portion of her life? Wouldn't he think I was ruined, tainted, damaged goods? I saw myself like that for a long fucking time and that's why I refused to get close to anyone, to open my heart and share a life and settle down. I didn't want Wolfe to see me like that but I couldn't hold my secrets in anymore when he fucking broke my door down just because he thought I was in trouble. It was the way he looked at me — like he couldn't decide if he wanted to hurt whoever made me this way or hold me because he felt my pain like it was his own — that had me blurting everything before I could stop myself. I think part of me trusted him enough even though I thought I wasn't ready but I'm glad I followed my gut. He didn't find me disgusting, he didn't see me differently. I was still his Melanie and now I'm Melanie to myself too. I found her again thanks to the big guy.

I wanted to do something for him in return after realizing how much he's changed me for the better, how much he's helped me. That's why I convinced Titus to let me go home early so I could cook the big guy dinner while he's training at Fighter's Den. He officially started training for pros a few days ago and knowing Greg, the big guy is getting his ass kicked. I'm tripling the recipe for my fried rice and baked chicken, figuring he's worked up one hell of an appetite. His portions are already fucking outrageous being the huge man he is but his appetite after training? Catastrophic. The first day I moved in and had lunch with him I thought he was feeding the whole block but all of the food was for him. Jesus, the man can eat.

I'm finished with dinner and working on salad when I hear the front door open. I listen closely to the sound of keys jangling, boots coming off, and a jacket unzipping. It's all so familiar, so routine. When did our lives become so closely intertwined like this? When did he become the biggest part of mine?