Insane // Everlark

Epilogue

The wind blows through my hair on a warm but breezy autumn day. It's not just any day though, it's the day of her funeral, It's been two year now. TWO YEARS! I can't even say her name anymore without breaking down and crying and wanting to break something, I'm pretty sure I have received mental disorder, just from her death.

I know it sounds crazy but I think I'm right. No, I haven't had it tested yet but I'm pretty sure I do. Whenever someone speaks or does something she would do I go crazy, wanting to break something, even kill myself so I can be with her.

But I know that's not what she would want me to do, she would want me to carry on with my life without her, finding another girl to show my affection to and have the children I've always wanted, but I wanted that with her. I wanted us to grow old, watching our babies grow up and have their own children, but God just had to be selfish and take her for himself, leaving all of us down here moarning over her.

~flashback~

I feel Rye and Michael nudge me. That's when I notice they everyone has said theirs and now it's my turn. I walk up to the mic.

"I've known her since our first day at kindergarten. She was wearing a silky red dress that stood out on her beautiful olive skin. She wore matching red shoes and her hair was in two plaits with red bows at the end. I remember this day very well, and it's one I will remember until the day I die. It was the day I fell in love, I fell in love with the girl in the red dress with two plaits in her dark chocolate brown hair. Her voice was like an angels. I remember my father telling me he fell in love with her mother when he was younger but she went off and married a miner, why you ask? Because every time he sang, everything would stop to listen. He knew he was a goner when he heard him singing and that's exactly what I thought when I heard her singing. I knew I was a goner as soon as she started singing.

We were in the same classes all through school, not once did she talk to me, she would often look at me and smile, but that was her just being nice. We were about eight when she started wearing only one plait.

When we got to around fourteen years of age she started dating this boy, who was her best friend, Gale. They dated for a year and a half when they argued and went their own separate ways.

So were coming up to our last but one year left in school. She had finished dating Gale and I thought I had a chance with her. My father knew her very well because she used to hunt and sell squirrels and turkeys to him. She got caught in the woods more than enough times but lets not go into detail about that. Then one day she came into school in this awful state. She has cuts and bruises all over her face and wouldn't let anyone touch her. She finally let me take her to my dad who was shocked by the state on her. It turned out she has been abused and raped by her mother and uncle at home. They wouldn't touch Prim because she wouldn't let them. Her mother didn't care that he was raping her. She would watch sometimes, that's how sick she was, she would watch her daughter get raped by her own uncle while she was screaming in pain. That's when my father decided they can't live with them anymore and took them in as their guardian.

I remember this day very clearly, after all it was only three or four months ago. We were in the meadow and I decided now was the time I should ask her to be my girlfriend. She had already admitted she had fallen in love with me because we spent so much time together at home. So we were playing in the meadow when I finally decided I was going to do it. So I stopped and held her hands.

I was really nervous at the time, what if she said no? What if she didn't love me? Anyway I finally came out with it. I said "Please don't be freaked out by this but I've wanted to ask you this for ages and thought this picnic would be a good way to ask you."

I took a deep breath. "Katniss, I know this may sound weird but I've loved you since the age of five on our first day of kindergarten" I had admitted I've loved her for eleven years." I say as I sob after saying her name.

"She gaped at my confession. That's when she said, "But how though? I'm mentally disordered, I'm a killer, I'm horrible to people, I'm not pretty. How can you love me?"

I decided to just come out and say it there and there. So I replied with, "Because everything you call imperfections are perfect to me. I love you for who you are, nothing can change how I feel about you. No, your not pretty; your beautiful. You can't hate all people because you don't hate me or my family. Yes, you may be mentally disordered and have killed two people but that's what makes who you are. The first time you killed him it was an accident and you weren't meant to, yet the other one you did out of fear because of what he had done to you in your past. Right now, I'm here to help you with your life, I want you to have the best life possible, and I'm here to give you that." I took another deep breath. "So, Katniss Everdeen, would you do the honour of being my girlfriend, for me to love and protect forever as long as I call you mine?"

I was so nervous. She looked shocked by what I had said then all of a sudden she jumped onto me saying she would be my girlfriend. It was the happiest day of my life. I had finally got the girl of my dreams. I had already decided we would grow old and watch our babies grow up and have their own children. But of course, God wanted another angel and chose the best one living." I cry but collect myself and carry on. "She went through the worst life possible, getting beaten into keeping a child at fourteen then once it's born take it away from her. I don't know how she went through it all because I would never have coped. She was so strong, she always fought for what she loved, right up until her last breath."

Everyone's crying at my speech. They all clap and I step down from the mic and go and sit down in between Rye and Michael as we all cry.

"That was amazing little bro" they say hugging me.

I nod because if I say anything I'll just break down. We all head outside for her burial. Her casket it open so everyone can see her, she's wearing a white gown and her hair is resting on her shoulders as it frames her face. She looks so peaceful and beautiful.

They put the top of the casket on outside after everyone's seen her then they lift it down. That's when I break down and fall to my knees as I sob. I can't physically live without her, I need her to live, she's practically my life.

~flashback over~

And here I am today, still stuggling from her death. Don't get me wrong then others miss her but they have got on with their life, knowing she wouldn't want them to moarn over her death. Me on the other hand, I don't do nothing anymore. I dropped out of school after her funeral.

My family don't trust me on my own anymore, they think I'll kill myself or do something stupid. I wouldn't do that though, because she wouldn't want me to do that. I just miss her so badly! I want her to be here with me so I can hold her and show affection to her which she loved. I can't do that anymore, I miss holding her, trying to get her through her nightmares or if she can't get to sleep, I'd stay up until she would be sleeping, even if I was dead without sleep.

Lilly has coped quite well with it to be honest. Yes, she cries sometimes when she misses her but she still goes to school, is happy etc.

Prim tries to make things happy for eveyone by being happy herself, everyone stays happy with her too, except me. I don't even smile yet alone laugh anymore. I hardly go out unless it's to one of the groups houses for a sleepover.

It's only my mother, father, me and Prim that lives in our house now, Michael and Rye have either married or in a relationship and living in their own house.

I just wish life didn't have to end this way for me, moarning over my girlfriends death for the rest of my life because obviously I would never get another one.