Mind of Coraline (on hold)

Chapter 4

Gracefully, I jumped over the small muddy puddle in the middle of the forest path. My feet hit the ground again with thump. My running shoes were covered in mud, but I just kept running. I kept on moving forward. I tried to enjoy the yellow, orange, brown and red colors all around me. The autumn had come. That was my favorite time of the year, mainly because it was my birthday in October. The dry leaves crunched under my feet. I liked the sound and feel of it.

It started to hurt in my chest. The cool air pierced my lungs every time I inhaled. My stomach slowly began to cramp every time my feet hit the ground. I turned up the volume on my iPod as much as it allowed, letting the voice of Gerard Way motivate me to keep going. I ran faster.

With my eyes fixed on the path ahead of me, my mind began to wander off. What have you done? It said. Who are you running from?  It continued. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I chanted angrily in my head. Listen to the lyrics, Cora, and Run the hell away! I sped further up.

I hated running. I hated how I could only run for ten minutes top before the pain in my chest started to set in. And because I’d always sucked at pretty much any sport, I had managed to gain a little too much weight. I was not fat at all, but my confidence would get a whole lot bigger if I dropped a pound or two. I would never say that out loud though. I hate it when the girls in school talk about their bodies, make up, boys and clothes. I couldn’t care less about how their asses looked in those jeans, or how bad a hair-day they were having. I was definitely not a girlie-girl, but unfortunately for me I wasn’t a boyish girl either.

I felt tears sneaking in on me and I angrily wiped them away. I stopped running and put my head between my knees. My breathing hurt and my eyes just kept watering. Those bitches! I thought to myself. Anger and frustration boiled in my blood as I straightened my back and continued my run. The song ended. After a moment of silence my ears were filled with Get Scared’s Sarcasm. Perfect timing, I thought and smiled for myself.

By the time I arrived to my home, the sun had started to set. The streetlights were on and the temperature was dropping. When I had entered the driveway, I stretched my legs, arms and back. While I stood outside the house, the sound of two angry voices caught my ears. Feeling beat, I sighed. I dragged myself around the back and into the garden. Though it was getting colder outside, I was in no mood to join the fight going on inside, warmth or not.

I grabbed my old blanket and threw my short body in the hammock. It creaked under my weight. Carefully I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and tried to get comfy. No one knew how long I would be sitting out here.

I couldn’t help but listen to the loud voices going off at each other. It was the usual fight between my mother and brother. Justin was twelve and already very good at being a teenager, though he wasn’t yet. He had been practicing for years now. Our mother called him a ‘between-ager’.

My mother’s voice sounded so fragile, though there was no doubt she was as furious at him as the flames from hell were hot. Sometimes I feared she’d break into a million pieces from one of their verbal fights, but that little woman was tough like stones. Only once had I seen her cry. That was six months earlier, and that was because of me.

“Justin, I’m your mother, I’ll decide whether or not you’re getting that drum kit!” My mother yelled at the top of her lungs.

“I. Don’t. Think. So, mum!” My brother spat back. Sound of glass to the floor.

“How dare you, Justin? You spoiled brat, how dare you throw that glass? What’s the matter with you?” Mother's voice raised an octave further; as if that was even possible. Another glass was slung through the air. It shattered against the wall. “JUSTIN!”

“You are NOT the boss of me! You’re not even going to pay for the kit, so why the fuck should I listen to you?” The deep voice belonging to my younger brother thundered throughout the entire house. I shuddered in discomfort. I bet the neighbors could hear them.

My mother sighed. “But it’s me who has to listen to it, Justin! You’re not the only one living in this house. We’re a family and we have to respect each other!” This would not end well. It never did.

Justin let out a loud mocking laughter. “Oh yeah, we all have to respect each other. What about Coraline?” My body tensed at the mention of my name. I did not like to be the subject at hand in this quarrel. Justin continued. “I guess those rules don’t apply to her, huh? Is it just because she’s sick? She is not the only child in this family!” The hurt and the anger were clear in his voice. Right after he had screamed those words at our mother, I could hear him storm out of the living room, slamming the door behind him.

That sent my hands flying to my face. That hurt. I couldn’t believe that Justin had said that. My sweet and caring little brother had made me the villain. Though he hadn’t said it directly to me, I knew, he thought of me as the center of the attention. But hadn’t I tried to give him space? Hadn’t I tried my best to explain my situation to him? Tears ran down my cheeks, and I didn’t do anything to stop them this time. What had happened to us? What had happened to my family? Were we falling apart? But I guess if that was the case, I would the one to blame.

Suddenly realizing that I was freezing, I got up from the hammock and folded the blanket messily. The warm tears were leaving cold trails on my face. I snuck inside, careful not to make any noises. I did not want mother to know I was home. She would be telling me everything and I was not in the mood to have another conversation like that with her. For once I wanted to cry alone.

Silent as a breeze I went up the stairs to my room and closed the door behind me. I leaned my back against the door and sighed. I ran my fingers through my black hair. I stepped in front of my loft-to-floor mirror and looked at the sad girl who was standing there in front of me. Her eyes were circled in mascara and her skin was pale. Her thick black hair fell heavily around her round head. I shook my head, as did she. With a sigh I stepped out of my sweaty clothes and grabbed an over-sized t-shirt and a pair of black panties. I wore black a lot. It made me look thinner and made me feel a little mysterious and sexy. It’s sad, I know.

I decided to give myself a long and warm shower for an extra little treat. I cried in the shower. The salty tears mingled with the steaming water from the shower-head. I let the smell from my shampoo fill my nose with the lovely essence of olive.

When I looked like a raisin I turned off the water and dried my body. I wrapped the towel around my hair and slipped on my panties and t-shirt. I jumped into my bed and buried my head in the pillows. The tears returned.

“How are you feeling, Cora?” Amelia stroked my hair and gazed at me with worried eyes. I smiled. “I’m fine. I’m just tired, that’s all,” I got out of the bed and reached for her hands. “Let’s go get the others,” I said, and dragged her to the door. “Coraline… You know me, I don’t get worried a lot, but you’re scaring me.” She squeezed my hands a little harder. I sighed. “Please Amelia. I’m okay. Let us go and have some fun with the others and forget this whole thing ever happened. Please?” I begged, as she looked at me with a frown on her face. Finally she let it go and threw her hands up in the air in defeat. “Fine, let’s go find Marie and Silvia.”

I laughed and ran across the hall and burst through the unlocked door to Marie and Silvia’s room. The girls snapped their heads up in surprise as the door slammed into the wall, and I walked in. With a wide toothy smile I gestured for them to get up. “We have a very special treat for you tonight. After you, ladies,” I led them out the door and down the stairs, where Amelia was waiting for us. Marie grinned as she saw what Amelia was holding in her hands; four flashlights.

We had planned it all in secrecy the night before. We knew Marie was dying to do something out of the ordinary, something everybody on the school would remember us for. She had been talking about it for weeks, so Amelia and I decided to give her what she wanted.

Silvia looked very suspicious. “We’re not going to the Dark House, are we?”

She just received three wide grins in return.