Fake Love

sorrows

they say you never knew what you had till you lose it. for me this was true. i didn't realize the feelings i have for eji until i lost him for good. i often find myself looking for him when he isn't around.

the guilt i felt could never be topped.

i reread the letter he left.

"before i lose these feelings i have ,
before i take the leap from this love ,
before i decide on letting go ,
before i end it all ,
what better way than telling you how you made me fall .

i'm not so sure when it began , or at what point i noticed these thoughts started .
but i didn't know that they would have left me broken hearted .

the beginning was full of thoughts and questioning what you would do if you had found out i'd fallen for you .

though hiding it was hard and i absolutely hated the feelings and with that i was in a state of denial .
not sure of what to do i tried hiding from you but welcomed you with a smile .

then on that fateful day i decided to tell you that i was totally smitten .
that was till you told me something that made me want to hide like a kitten .

love is an odd thing and comes in many different forms ,
i love you but i can't chase you ,
i can't ruin what we have by an unlasting love ,
i can't unleash a beast between our mangled hearts .

here i am letting go after laying so low ,
remember i love you until the end <3."

maybe he left this behind to make the broken whole.

but there's nothing that could fix this emptiness in my chest.

maybe this is the result of losing a soulmate.

i put the letter in my drawer and walked out of the room.

i went downstairs to the kitchen and looked at the clock on the wall.

3:15am

i wonder what he would be doing right now.

i grabbed a glass of water and as i took a sip my throat closed and i released the feeling i've been holding.

i thought maybe my heart grew comforted by the darkness but was it really ?

who loves someone so much it hurts ?

what an idiotic question.

especially when i already know the answer.