Fake Love

value

darkness filled my mind.

i was surrounded by it.

there was nothing.

i couldn't move.

i tried to scream but nothing came out.

there was no one around.

there was no one who would listen.

there was no one who could hear.

i tried running.

everywhere i went was dark.

i tried finding a way out.

everything kept going.

there was no way out.

all i could hear was silence.

silence and darkness.

my breathing quickened.

i ran until my legs couldn't run anymore.

i screamed until my throat was sore.

i held my head in my hands and gasped for air.

i felt as though i was suffocating.

almost like every breath i took would be my last.

i suddenly felt a warmth on my cold hands.

i quickly looked up and was met with the luminous light.

i winced as i brought my arm up to block the light out.

instantly pain shot up my body and i groaned.

the obnoxious beeping filled my ears and i slowly took back my arm to see the egg white ceiling.

i turned my head slowly to see the dark figure towering over me.

"-ji!"

"eijiro!" my ears opened as my vision cleared and i saw my mother standing over top of me.

in her blue eyes tears filled the brim and she cupped my cheek in her palms.

"i'm so sorry." she sobbed and fell to her knees clinging to my bedside.

"i love you so much, i don't know what i would've done if i lost you!" she wailed and i forced my body into an upright position.

"it's okay it's fine. i'm here and i'm okay." i pet the top of her head softly and a few lone tears found their way down my cheeks.

after a while of crying she hugged me tightly, like if she were to let go i would disappear.

after a while she let go and wiped her eyes.

"i'll be right back, i'm going to go get the doctor. stay right there." i gave her a nod as she walked out the door.

i looked down at my bandaged arms and sighed.

"i was so sure.." i shook the thought away and faced the window.

it looked to be around lunchtime but i wasn't sure.

my mom came back with the doctor and they ran some vitals to make sure i was fine.

i found out that bakugou had found me.

i heard he refused to leave my side until the ambulance came.

when i arrived they did a blood transfusion as well as stitches and they put me in icu for two days to monitor me.

they moved me into a regular room when they were sure i was stable enough.

from there i slept another two days and they decided to keep me for an additional 72 hours to monitor me.

when they sent me home they made appointments for a therapist to try and better my mental health.

the teachers told me not to come back to school until i was ready and my mom picked up all the work i had missed.

the ride to therapy wasn't a long one but it felt like hours.

if i'm being honest i dread it.

i don't want to talk to anyone about my emotions.

yet if i did would i continue to feel like this?

would it better myself?

would life get better?

so many thoughts swirled around in my head and before i knew it we were in the parking lot.

my mom offered to come inside but i politely declined.

my appointment today was simply just to meet her and if i couldn't do that on my own would i even be able to get through the rest?

her name is mai yuna, a tall slim lady with chestnut brown hair and golden caramel eyes.

ms. yuna brought me into her office and had me sit across from her.

she smiled politely and i awkwardly smiled back.

"tell me kirishima, how do you feel?"

"my arms feel bet-" i started to pull up my sleeve but she stopped me.

"no how are you feeling?" in her lap sat a clipboard and i chewed on my bottom lip before giving her an answer.

"i.. i feel like i'm strapped down? i don't know.. i don't know what to do. i feel so much but, i don't know how to say them?" i glanced at her and she nodded.

"i see. i would like to try something with you." from underneath her clipboard she pulled out a composition book and passed it to me.

"i want you to write anything your feeling in it. it doesn't matter if it's jumbled or seems like it doesn't make sense." i opened the book and stared at the blank pages.

"everytime we have another appointment we can go through what you wrote and we can unscramble it together okay?"

i nodded and smiled softly before standing up.

"thank you."

she led me to the door and i got back into the car.

i stared at the notebook and pulled out a red pen.

'i'm always running. i'm always running from my problems. i'm always running from myself. i'm running from life. i remember it started late that night, i was so sick. so sick of the pain i felt in my chest.

it came in waves and crushed me. i was alone with my thoughts. i was stuck in a daydream but i woke up in a reality all too real for me.

they said there's a light at the end. so maybe if i ended it would i see the light?

since that day i haven't felt the same. almost like i'm not the same me?

i'm a broken soul.

but i'm a valuable soul.'