𝐆𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 // 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐄𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡

14 ⋆ 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭, 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐬𝐬 ?

Billies POV

"Thank you everybody" i smiled, waving to the hundreds of screaming and electrified kids in front of me. "I love you!"

I used the air as I wrapped my arms around my top tightly. I wish I could really hug each and every one of them individually right now. My arms fell to my side as I stood there watching them.

It was like I didn't have to make a single move and they would be there.

I literally wasn't doing shit. But they were still screaming. Still cheering.

"Billie! Billie!" they chanted, which made my eyes start to tear.

These people were all that mattered. The only ones who really gave a shit about me.

why?

I finally ran off stage, I kept running, past my mom and dad, even my team. I knocked into finneas as he was coming off stage behind me but I kept running.

"Billie!" I heard him call after me as he struggled to put his guitar down and catch up.

I ran into my greenroom, slamming the door behind me which made the loudest slam i think i ever heard.

I jumped up onto the table which was holding all of our snacks and crouched my knees to my chest. Holding them with all my strength as I cried into them.

I really have to stop ending shows like this.
But i don't deserve any of those kids out there who would give their all for me...

Not when i lying to them

Tears streamed down my face when I shut my eyes. The darkness was always there for me in times like this. When I needed to feel okay. I lifted my head when I heard finn behind the tall door.

"Bil" he spoke. Finneas never just barged into the room whenever I got like this. He always waited for me to confirm before opening the door, it was just one of those amazing big brother qualities about him. I didn't answer for a moment before I heard my mom outside with him

"Billie, baby-" my mom's voice was soft, which made mine break when i answered.

"What?" I sniffed.

I watched the door crack open slightly, and when I saw my mom step in behind it I put my head back into my knees, bouncing my leg a little. I felt the table move some and her hands rest on my shoulders. I looked up to her with a sad smile through my soaked eyes.

"It's okay, it is" my mom put her hand on my cheek, her voice calm. She was trying to match my eyes but I wouldn't let her. I just stared down for a moment.

"They're so good to me" I looked up at her finally with a soft smile.

"I know" my mom returned a fond smile. "They love you"

"I wish I deserved it though" my eyebrow twitched some as I let out a small breath.

"Oh baby, you do. You do" mom nodded as she kept her thumb stroking my cheek in the rhythm I liked the most.

I sucked in my breath as I looked at her. I hated lying to my mom. I just wish I could tell her what happened before the show, and all the times before that. But I just couldn't. I can't hurt her like that. I wasn't gonna let her get hurt. Tears fell from my eyes once again as I sobbed and she brought me into her chest and kissed my head. I just closed my eyes and sat in her warmth.

It's not about the pain. It's about keeping her, finn, and dad safe, and as long as I was doing that I would be okay.

✩