Learning to Love | Kakashi x Reader

Lesson Twelve

"(f/n)?" 

You shook your head to snap out of it. 

It seemed too real...

You turned your face upwards to face his, taking it in. Now, you were overtly aware that if Asuma had contracted the disease, Kakashi could, too. At any moment, he could slip through your hands and out of your grasp.

"It was a nightmare," You let out a shaky breath, "I-I thought... I thought I lost you to the disease. I didn't realize it until now, but I really could lose you. I don't know if I could handle that."

Your eyes pleaded with his. He responded by gathering you in his arms, pulling you in, and in turn, you buried your face in the crook of his neck. You wrapped your arms around his back, tugging at his shirt. 

"I'm not going anywhere," He promised you, stroking your hair gently.

"You don't know that, though!" 

He pulled back from you for a moment, cupping your cheeks in his hand and ensuring you made eye contact with him. The moonlight illuminated your features.

"I would fight anything to make sure I protect you. I won't leave your side," He said earnestly, "I promise."

You searched his eyes, trying to see if there were any lies with his words. There were none. 

You gave a small nod. You felt reassured for the most part, but doubt and fear still lingered in the back of your mind. You were thinking like a realist, and the reality was no adult was safe from this disease. Asuma and Kakashi were around the same age. They were both in their mid-twenties. If Asuma got it, so could Kakashi. You couldn't bear the thought of your potential kids growing up without their father. You couldn't bear the thought of losing your husband. You loved him too much to let go now. 

"Can... can you just hold me?" You pleaded softly. 

Kakashi watched your expression with empathy. He couldn't remember a time that you were this frightened, if ever. Asuma's passing was really eye opening for the both of you. Another reminder of what lurked at every corner until a cure was found. 

He laid back down on the bed and pulled you into his chest. You rested you head right where his heart was. In his arms, you listened to the beating of his heart as you felt the rising and falling of his chest beneath you. They were assurances that he was still there, still alive. One of his hands rested atop your head, stroking your hair gently. Like the ebb and flow of the tide, the rhythm slowly lulled you to sleep. 

As he watched over you, Kakashi could feel as your own breathing steadied. He gently pressed his lips to the top of your head in a kiss good night. 

He couldn't help but replay the conversation again over in his mind. I won't leave your side, his words echoed, I promise. 

He couldn't help but feel a tug of guilt within him. He knew, as well as you did, that as much as he tried, he might not be able to keep that promise. The world as it was, was too unpredictable. And yet, he still selfishly made that promise. 

As he reflected, he made a mental note to start getting his affairs in order. Of course, he didn't intend to die any time soon, but since being wed, he'd taken his time updating his emergency contacts and his will. To be honest, he was half-surprised it had lasted beyond the first few weeks. He hadn't been expecting to fall for you so deeply, or this soon, for that matter. 

The idea of leaving you behind was scary enough, but to leave you behind with no support or financial means? To leave you behind with a legal mess to fight for his assets and inheritance upon his death, should he die before he revises his will? It was out of the question. If you lost him, your heart would be broken as it is. If you two had kids before then, that would make it even harder. The least he could do was secure your future.