suicidio

Death (A poem)

Fearing

I fear him.
With his bloodshot eyes
And out streched talons.
His boney frame
And sharp yellow teeth.
Black goo dripping from his body
As he tries to take me away
To a dark place.
Each vein popping out of his skin,
I'm fighting as hard as I can.
He just won't let go.
He's holding on for dear life,
My life.
I kick and scream but it seems like Everytime I move he gets stronger.
Blood is spilling from his mouth,
The floor is covered in blood,
My blood!
How can I live knowing that monster is out there,
Lurking in the shadows.
Waiting to kill me.

Accepting

I stopped fighting a long time ago.
When I saw the monster in the corner
Staring at me,
I didn't glare back.
I didn't try to run or hide.
I simply smiled.
He followed me,
Looking like a lost dog:
Small and thin, walking on all four.
I let him, because I'd run from him before and it only made things worse.
I realized he was only trying to help.
He didn't walk behind, but beside me.
With me, Like a friend.
I'd made peace with the fact that I was going to die.
My Friend, who just so happened to be death, let me in on a secret.
Everyone I've ever loved is going to leave me.

Longing

After that I started longing for death.
Not an ounce of fear left in me because
"I'm all alone in the world
Why not get it over now."
I saw no point in waiting to be hurt when my family left me.
So I decided to take my own life.
Filling the bag with whatever I could find.
Thinking I wanted this.
I needed it.
Taking as many as I could at one time.
After a while I had to lay down.
I could feel the way my heart beat against my chest.
Begging,
Pleading for an escape.
But all I could do was listen to my brain.
He was in my brain. He told me I was close, all I had to do was wait.
But that's not what my heart wanted.
I rushed to the bathroom.

Recovering

People say 'The Heart wants what the heart wants.'
I never knew that was true until now...
Since then I've realized that death is not my friend.
He's using me to get stronger.
That all he was is a voice, a fear, in the back of my head.
I still don't fear dying.
Because I know it's the most peaceful thing I've ever experienced.
I'm afraid not of losing myself,
But the people I love.