suicidio

I Will Never Heal Completely

I may look better now,
I look like I'm enjoying life.
Don't get me wrong,
I am.
But I will always carry the scars
I've given myself.
I can't forget how to cut myself.
How to run the smooth blade down my arm.
How to hold my breath so I don't make any noise.
How to hide the blades in my underwear .
Ill always remember the way the voices in my head sound.
Soft and calm one second,
Then screaming I'm my ear because I smiled the next.
The way it's made me look up the quickest ways to die.
It introduced me to it's friend,
Abuse.
He told me it would be easy if I really wanted it.
He showed me how to make my mother cry.
My sister's lie.
And taught me to die.
Although I didn't do it right.
I will always know how to make myself throw up.
And that cold baths burn calories.
I remember that 3500 calories equals one pound.
One jumping jack burns two calories,
And 7000 jumping jacks can make me lose a pound of fat.
I know how to hide my thinning hair under a hat,
And my vacant stomach under hoodies.
I'll always know how to exercise too much and eat too little.
I'll always know how to hurt myself.
And I'll always be finding more ways.
But all we can do is hope that I'm strong enough with you,
To get through the pain.