suicidio

Ice

I was never taught to appreciate my body and all the amazing things it can do.

Energy is spilling from my fingertips,

I can turn a few cells into a person worth love,

I can create a human being inside of me.

So who cares about my BMI and what I eat?

the truth is...

I do.

I'm not ready to admit that I'm not as fat as I make myself out to be.

Because what if this is all one trick to get me to love myself?

I was always told that only narcissists love themselves.

Because why would anyone love me? 

When not even my own brain can wrap it mind around why I'm alive.

I was taught that if my body looks the wrong way or is above a certain weight, it gets punished.

I learned that depriving my body was the answer to all my problems.

It's times like these,

When the ice starts at my feet.

And makes it's way up my body

That I start to wonder…

If I had just gone a little longer.

Would I be pretty too?

I give in to the cold.

Letting it consume me.

Letting it crawl up my spine,

And bite at my nose.

Scratch at my empty stomach

Turning the acid to water,

Water to ice.

And back again.