flowers at sea -lukadrien

-4- the sunflower

"Jul! Are you ready?" I yelled dragging my luggage out from my room, "The lunch is at 12!"

"Yeah," her voice answered unenthusiastically from the couch, "You're late again."

"If you knew you should've woke me up! Mom's going to be mad at us."

"Whatever."

"Hurry up!" I propped her duffle bag under my arm, "Into the van, c'mon!"

She followed behind me, locking the door and watched as I waddled my way to the driver seat before getting in the shotgun seat beside me. She looked annoyed, well..she always looked annoyed in the morning, it's a usual thing.

I started the car, driving off into the highway, to our hometown. I've always loved my hometown, a not really well known village with absolutely no skyscrapers or busy streets. Instead filled with beaches and farms, old ladies and kids, it gives me a feeling of home, I liked it.

Not more than 45 minutes through the ride, Juleka had already nodded off, sleeping with her head leaned against the window. Her headphones were plugged in, probably blasting some loud band music, she always had a thing for ACDC or The Regrettes, she could listen to a single playlist for months, I have no idea how she manages it.

The ride was about 5 hours long, to be honest I expected it to be around 7 hours with the traffic but at least we were we on time. I reached my mom's old terrace house, I slipped a spare key out of my wallet, opening the door to the house.

I carried Juleka out of the car carefully, trying not to wake her up, she slept late yesterday and I was the one that woke up late, I think she deserved some rest time. I sprinted to her old bedroom with her sleeping soundly on my back, I removed her headphones as I tucked her in, closing the door quietly as I left.

I still had two and a half hours till the family lunch, I walked to the balcony, enjoying the view of the wide sea beach. It's been a while since I've went there, I'll go pay a visit to the beach, I decided, just for a while.

I grabbed the keys and my guitar, chucking it away behind me, I left a note for Juleka and sauntered out of my driveway and to the beach, the stone pathway, the plants and flowers, the hawkers ringing bells and shouting through speakers, it feels like nothing has changed in this 2 years.

I sunk my bare feets into the warm sand, kicking it as I strolled to the shades, sitting under that exact tree I sat when I was a kid, I felt nostalgic sitting there, the old times were much simpler  and carefree, I wish to go back in time to enjoy more of it rather than this shitty college life.

I unhooked the guitar from my back, unzipping the case and placing the guitar on my lap, I didn't know what to play, what do I feel like playing anyways?

I strummed C, then F, the sound defined and gentle, A minor, G, the chords came naturally to me, like it was willing me to play it, calling out for me.

My mouth moved by my own, I recognised the chords, the song that I was playing, the words came out as the strumming became louder, totally mesmerized in the lyrics, in the melody.

"But I'm a sunflower, a little funny

If I were a rose, maybe you'd want me

If I could, I'd change overnight

I'd turn into something you'd like

But I'm a sunflower, a little funny

If I were a rose, maybe you'd pick me

But I know you don't have a clue

This sunflower's waiting for you

Waiting for you"

'Sunflower' by Shannon Purser, I first heard it watching the movie 'Sierra Burgess is a loser', I never practised this song on the guitar, but I've played long enough to know what are the chords to play.

A song of a girl comparing herself to the prettier or populars girls, telling herself she stand no chance winning over the boy that she likes, but she's still there waiting for him to notice her, even though he have no idea about her, she's still waiting.

How must she have felt when she wrote this song?

Sadness? Pain? Hope?

It's a feeling only the artist of the song can truly understand, no matter how hard I think or replay it, I'll only know that much. I want to understand it, I need to.

Come to the thought of it, the last time I played so longingly, so alone, was at this exact spot. I was waiting too, waiting for someone to come. Wishing with all my heart, hoping that one day it'll come true. When I realised he wouldn't come, how deep did the knife impaled my heart? How did the disappointment felt like? How is the feeling of being let down?

More importantly, who is he?

*0:49 - 1:23 of video above [ the acoustic version sounds better but this is the original :)]*