I Can Get It Back

How Long Can This Last, Missing Is That Purpose In My Life But I Can Get It Back

Studying the Jedi texts was time-consuming and arduous, particularly due to the esoteric writing style. Neither Rey nor Finn had been particularly scholarly in the past, so getting through them was a difficult task. Finn just wanted to learn and was generally excited whenever they sat down to study. Rey had a more specific goal in mind and found pontifications on the Force to be more tedious than anything else. Her gratitude that working with Finn helped her stay motivated was somewhat diminished by the way he deferred to her interpretations rather than engaging with the material himself.

Luke had been an unwilling teacher, though she had learned a few important truths from him. Master Leia was more dedicated to passing on what she knew, but her teaching method was as efficient and direct as was her approach to everything else. And Ben... Well, best not to dwell on what she'd learned from him. In any case, Rey was frustrated that studying with Finn was not particularly edifying for her and she tried to comfort herself with the fact that he seemed to be learning quite a bit.

They were scheduled to meet every day, and managed to find time in their schedules to do so most of the time. Days turned into weeks and Rey was increasingly dissatisfied. She found it necessary to retreat to the Falcon from time to time, though no further visions manifested. Perhaps that was for the best. She wanted answers, but they were not forthcoming from either the texts or the Force itself. And it had been a painful experience to see him again. So she tried to resign herself to the tasks allotted to her as the sole Jedi in the new Republic.

Teaching Finn was a vastly preferable use of her time than many of the other jobs she was given. Yes, she was able to use the Force at will, but she had no experience in diplomacy. Her upbringing had required a very different set of skills and she struggled to work with people who were more concerned about themselves than they were the needs of others, a trait she had naively thought was relegated to those struggling to survive. She quickly found that she was passionate to help people in the kinds of desperate straits that she had raised herself in, but the fact that those in power had different priorities made her outlook grow increasingly bleak.

"How did Leia do this her entire life?" Rey asked rhetorically as she stared into her drink at dinner. The last meeting with diplomats had gone long and it had taken all of Rey's limited self-control to keep from throwing them around the room as they continually refused to listen to Kaydel's entreaties on behalf of the New Republic. What was the point of even having a Jedi in that meeting if she couldn't do anything?

Rose patted her shoulder in sympathy. "You're doing great, Rey."

Poe and Finn joined them before Rey could express the depth of her concerns. "What's wrong?" Finn asked her.

"Bad day," she replied briskly.

Rose and Finn exchanged a glance around her while Poe frowned at his plate. "You'd think the Capitol could have a greater variety," he muttered. Finn nudged him and he looked up at Rey. "Don't worry, kid, getting people to work together is much more difficult when we don't have a common enemy. People never believed the First Order was a real threat until it was destroying the Hosnian System. Now they don't believe us that it's been reduced but isn't gone. It's poetic."

"Poetic?" Finn echoed skeptically.

"Yes, poetic," Poe emphasized with a broad smile. "Anyway, Rey, you can always use that mind trick thing you have if negotiations are going badly."

Rose choked on her drink and shot him a glare. "That's not a very Jedi thing to do."

"From what I've heard, it seems like exactly what a Jedi would do," Rey grumbled to herself, thinking of Luke's opinion of the Order. "But I think history has shown it's not the best tactic to keep a Republic together."