Do You Think I'm Pure?

5 The Cheat

Along with being a fornicator and a murderer, I was also a cheater and a liar. Ever since I started elementary school, I also started cheating. I didn't cheat on tests. I cheated on quizzes and pop quizzes. I hang out with smart people, the ones ranked top ten or twenty. I cheated, because I didn't want a bad grade. I was afraid of bad grades so much that I would cry if I was ranked higher than twenty. In the first semester of third grade, I was ranked twenty seventh. I cried and my friends comforted me. I wasn't good at math. Math was hard and made my head hurt. By my dad is good at math, and he wanted me to be good too. He was pressuring me with math so much that I would cry when I didn't get one question right (I would cry, because I thought that I disappointed him). My dad said that math was easy. So, he didn't understand when I told him that I wasn't understanding math. He wanted me to try harder; and he thought that I didn't do well, because I didn't try hard enough. I liked language arts better (reading and writing. I still like language arts, though now I actually like math as well), and it was easier than math. From the first until the third grade, there was a girl who was very intellectual. She was wise too, and I liked her as a friend. She didn't cheat and was always ranked in all of our classes. She was so advanced that she eventually skipped a grade level in the third grade to be in the fifth grade. Though, I continued cheating until the fifth grade. It happened like this: our fifth grade teacher knew that many, if not all of his students were cheaters. So, during class one day, he started preaching to us the wrongness of cheating. That it was not beneficial to cheat; and that in the real world, it was hard to cheat and the punishment was great. While he was saying all that, I thought that I was going to be in trouble since I was sure that he knew that I was one of the cheaters. But surprisingly enough, he didn't mention anyone's name. He just warned us to not cheat. I didn't get in trouble, neither did my accomplices. I sat next to students ranked the top ten in the class. Sometimes, the class's ranked number one would cheat off of me and vice versa, but only on small quizzes. We helped each other. He was smart and handsome. I had a crush on him, but there were rumors that he liked the girl who was either ranked third or fourth. Some people even speculated that they had sex. But I doubt it. At that time, I wished that the people I knew weren't virgins, even my good cousin J. I felt alone among my friends and felt like a hypocrite (most of my school friends were definitely virgins. And I couldn't tell them about me, I thought that I would be judged and they would stop being my friends. I was sensitive and a crybaby. But I could act like everything was fine with me being innocent and attracting compassion. Also because my friends lived with their parents, and I haven't seen mine in years. I had different personalities. At home, I was chatty and mean. At school, I was timid and quiet. At home, you wouldn't see me crying, I'll hide to cry. At school, I could cry since my friends comforted me, and that image of me suited them fine. But whether o was at home or at school, I was introverted). I wished no one was a virgin, so that I'll feel less alienated and more accepted. But I've come to realize that thinking like that is cruel. Just because I've sinned, doesn't mean that I get to drag everyone else to hell with me . That's what the devil wants; the devil sinned and because he knows that his time is limited, he works hard trying to drag anyone he can to hell with him. Now, I rather people stay virgins until they are married (but if you've already lost your virginity, know that GOD loves you and wants to be close to you.) There is no pride in losing one's virginity before marriage, only shame and regret. GOD is displeased with sexual immoralities, and I'm now too.

Lying is bad as well. I didn't lie all the time, but I lied to save my skin. But sometimes, telling the truth can get you in trouble. I remember one time I told my mom the truth, but she didn't believe me. She told me to swear that I was telling the truth. But I didn't swear. So, she judged that I was guilty of lying. I don't like swearing, even to prove my innocence. Jesus commanded us not to swear, and I don't want to break that. Matthew 5:34-37, "But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is GOD's throne; nor by the earth, for it is HIS footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your 'yes' be 'yes', and your 'no', 'no'. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one."

You'll think that the reason that I stopped cheating was because of my fifth grade teacher. But it's actually because of my third grade teacher. I was in fifth grade, and we were given an English assignment (I went to a private elementary school where we learned English. Though my country is a multilingual nation, the official language is French. My third grade teacher graded our English assignment. The assignment was like homework, we were allowed to bring it home with us. But we couldn't ask for help or finish the assignment with friends.) So, I did the assignment at home and finished it all by myself with no help from anyone at all. I turned it in to my third grade teacher to be graded. I had all the questions right (I think I had all of the questions right). It was an English assignment, and as a non English native speaker, getting most questions right made my third grade teacher suspicious. She couldn't believe that I did all of the assignment by myself. She thought that I had help, that I cheated someone else (I used to copy homework from classmates if I forgot to do it at home). I told her that I didn't copy from anybody. She got mad at me and started telling me that life isn't easy. That everything is work, and that copying someone else's work isn't going to make my life easier. She gave me wisdom words saying: "eating isn't easy. Walking isn't easy. Living isn't easy. Working isn't easy. Even defecating isn't easy."

She let me go easy after the lecture on life that she gave me. I felt wronged, cheated even. I didn't cheat. It's not like I always cheated. But she didn't believe me, because of my history of cheating. I was smart enough to not always need to cheat. Just sometimes on quizzes or homeworks. GOD blessed me with an intellectual mind, and memorization was easy for me. I could memorize passages in a book and quote it back, even lessons. I loved reading, writing, history, geography, science, art, but math. All the gifts I have and the things I can do are thanks to GOD. So, after much reflection on what happens with my third grade teacher, I decided to never cheat again. Because I got blamed of cheating when I didn't cheat; but when I cheated, I didn't get in trouble. I might as well never cheat. And that's what I did ever since that time in fifth grade. I believe that the reason that my third grade teacher didn't believe me was GOD getting me to stop cheating. I really don't think that I would've stopped cheating if my third teacher had in fact believed my innocence. Nothing happens without a reason. GOD's will be done and it happened just as HE wanted.

Sixth grade was my new slate. I got to never cheat again, because neither the teachers not the students there knew that I was a cheater. The past was in the past. I even became righteous about cheating. I was and still am anti-cheating. I remember in the eighth grade, we had a math test. And my classmates behind me were cheating. They were kind of loud, and I heard one of them whisper the answer to a particular question. When I heard the answer, I looked at my answer sheet. The answer they whispered was "c", and I had "c" too. But because I didn't want the teacher thinking that I cheated with them, I changed my answer (even though I knew that "c" was the correct answer). When the test was over and the teacher went over the questions, "c" was the correct answer. Too bad I had the answer wrong, but my math test grade was still good.

Along with being a cheater, I was also a stealer. I stole my grandpa's sugar for my older cousin, because he practically begged me to. I was also very selfish. If I had something like food or crayons and people asked me for it, I wouldn't give them. I would go my way to hide my snacks. I did that a lot until my older cousin told me, "when you have something, you don't want to share. But when I or other people have something, you ask us and we share." I was embarrassed that he called me out, so I shared. Now however whatever I have, if you ask me, I'll give it to you. That's what Jesus wants. For all to have what they need, and receive from the FATHER's hands. Matthew 7:7-12, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your FATHER who is in heaven give good things to those who ask HIM! Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to then, for this is the Law and the Prophets." Jesus knows that GOD will give to those who ask if it is in accordance to HIS will, and Jesus wants us to ask. How are you going to have the things you need, if you don't ask for it? But Jesus also wants us to share the things we have with others, and to not be selfish. Matthew 25:40, "And the King will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for Me.'"