Do You Think I'm Pure?

12 The Lust

One book I read was very controversial to me, "God's box" by Alex Sánchez. The book was justifying homosexuality. It had little to do with finding GOD, but a lot to do with finding acceptance of your sexual identify. It was all about a Christian boy who's faith was being tried, because he fell in love with another boy. He struggled to stop being gay, and having lustful feelings for a boy, since he didn't feel that homosexuality was what GOD wanted. (If you're gay or struggling with the same thing, this is not to accuse you. I know people don't chose the way they feel, but I also know that it isn't of GOD. Everyone has their own crosses to bear including me. But it doesn't mean that GOD won't be with you every step of the way to encourage and help you.) Remember, we live in a fallen world. So, our desires have been distorted by sin. But the guy he fell in love with assured him that he can be both gay and Christian. The whole book was a mind game for anyone who didn't know GOD. Yes, GOD loves everybody. But HE doesn't want anyone to sin, and homosexuality is a sin. I picked up "God's box", because I thought it would be about GOD. It was a bait and I took. Not everything labeled Christian is actually Christian. "Just because it is labeled 'Christian' does not mean it is actually good for you." A quote from "truthunedited". That's the reason why I'm very reluctant to check out a book from my school's library. (Most of the books in my school's library are mostly about LGBTQ+, coming of age, war, magic, tolerance, love, sex, money, drugs, culture, or death. If the book got something about GOD, it's either about religious tolerance, or trying to justify wrong actions. Though later on, after much searching, I actually found some Christian teen books in the school library.)

I also became more interested in food and cooking. Why? Because I started fasting in September of 2018. (The reason I fasted that I first time was because my mind was filled with lust, filthy. After coming home from confirmation class, I couldn't sleep right away, because I was thinking about this boy in my confirmation class. Part of my mind knew that I shouldn't fantasize about that boy. But the other part wanted to fantasize. I fantasize quite a lot, it's one of my set backs. So, I would pray and think about other stuff. I'm learning to deny myself. But that night, I followed my fleshly desires instead of the Holy Spirit and fantasized. Waking up the next morning, I felt guilty and disgusted with myself. I knew that I grieved the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 4:30, "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of GOD, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." So, I fasted to kill my flesh.) That day I fasted was so hard. It was the first time in my entire fourteen years of living that I actually fasted for a whole day. When I was younger, I tried fasting on easter. But I broke the fast, because I thought that you couldn't swallow your saliva when you fasted. That was a misconception of mine. I learned that you can fast on anything, even water. While fasting that day, I was tempted to drink water. Literally, the first thing I wanted waking up that day was water. But I didn't drink water, because the Holy Spirit reminded me of Jesus's forty days of fasting and being tempted by the devil. Temptation is real, the flesh is weak but the Spirit is willing.

Walking by the Spirit isn't easy, because you have to say "No" to your desires. But the Spirit gives life, and the flesh kills. John 6:63, "It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life."

After that day of fasting, I decided to fast at least one day each month. I fasted at least one day each month for six months. And then I started fasting for a week each month. It wasn't my decision to fast for a week, but that's what GOD wants me to do. And GOD's will be done.