Do You Think I'm Pure?

10 The Obsession

I also loved reading manga. When I turned thirteen years old, my parents gave me a phone for my birthday. I didn't really care for a phone (I was quite apathetic), and they asked me if I wasn't happy with the phone. (When I first came to America with my grandma, my parents gave me a small mobile phone in order to reach me at school. The phone was fine and they asked me to call when school was over. But when school was over, I didn't call, I had totally forgotten about it. So, my parents got worried since I didn't even turn the phone on when school was over. I only used the phone for alarms.) I thanked my parents for the white, Android LG phone. The phone was good for watching anime, but I soon found manga apps like Webtoon to read on. I read light novels, yaoi, yuri, webtoon, shōjo, shōnen, josei, seinen. You name it, I watched all. There is not a genre in manga, manhwa, manhua, or anime, I have not seen.

If I started to read on my phone, I could stay awake until four in the morning when there's no school. My favorite mangas or animes were: Black Butler, Death Note, Ouran High, Yamada and the seven witches, School Host Club, Kilari (one of my childhood favorites), Pripara, Shugo Chara, Pandora Hearts, Yumeiro Pâtissière, La corda d'oro, Shokugeki No Souma, Tokyo Ghoul, Skip Beat, Koi to uso, Kakegurui, Psycho-Pass, Dead man wonderland, Bastard, Guilty Crown, D. Gray Man, Clannad, Your lie in April... The list goes on. Recalling all those animes makes me nostalgic, it was a big part of who I was. I had papers scattered around the house with my favorites, and the ones that I wanted to watch. But I trashed it all when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I want to fully devote myself to Jesus and only do the things that will bring me closer to Him. And anime would've been a big distraction; since most animes are not based on the Christian faith, but on polytheism and worldly subjects. (I know there are Christian animations though.) Anime can't save me, only Jesus can.

In late November 2017, I got introduced to Kpop by a classmate who suggested BTS when I told her that I was watching "Princess Agents", a Chinese drama. She watched the drama, and told me how I would love Kpop too. I went home that day ready to watch anime when I remembered the Kpop suggestion. I typed "Kpop" in the YouTube search tool, and found quite a lot of Kpop groups. I checked a group called Girl Generation's songs like Gee, Mr Mr, Lion heart. After checking that girl group, I checked a boy group called BTS. I watched their music videos of songs like DNA, Not today, Fire. After watching the music video "DNA" by BTS (it was the first music video I watched of them), I was astonished to find that there was something in the real world that looked like anime. The members of BTS danced so effortlessly and beautifully. They sang and rapped. They looked like anime characters, it was perfect. I wasn't so surprised at their physical looks, because the characters of "Princess Agents" had perfect, shiny, clear skins. No wonder my classmate said that Kpop was similar to "Princess Agents". If you liked one, you'll like the other. Later, I did more research on Kpop and other Kpop groups, especially BTS. I discovered that BTS was a seven member boy group who debuted in 2013, and made history by being the first Kpop group to top US billboard 200 chart. Soon enough, I became a fan of BTS and Kpop in general. I didn't watch anime as intense as before and I started watching Kpop reactions, and videos related to Kpop more. I was a fangirl to multiple groups such as EXO, Blackpink, Bigbang, Seventeen, IKON, Got7, Twice, EXID, Wonder Girls, Girl Generation, BTS, and many more. I got so involved in Kpop that I started joining the fans who ship some members together. Kpop was like a gateway drug to me. Because it led me to be involved in the music entertainment as opposed to reading and watching anime. It was Kpop that opened the pop world to me. I started watching pop songs, and I became a fan of more idols and artists like Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Melanie Martinez, Ariana Grande, Nicky Minaj, Troye Sivan, Camila Cabello, Shawn Mendes, Billie Eilish, Marshmello, Alan Walker. I was idol worshipping. I believed that even though those people were human, they were still high up and perfect and worthy to be praised. Not that they don't deserve their success, but I was shaping my life around them. I set up for myself idols before the One, True Living GOD. Deuteronomy 5:7-8, "You shall not have other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol or a likeness of anything in the heavens above or on the earth below or in the waters beneath the earth." (When I first became a born again Christian who wanted to grow closer to God, I started reading the Bible from the beginning. When I read those verses above, I was shocked to realize that the church I was raised in all my life made the people bow down before statues. Even though I knew the ten commandments from childhood, it was like my eyes were opened for the first time.)
Anytime we love someone or something more than GOD, we are idol worshipping. Jesus said in Matthew 22:37, "You shall love the LORD your GOD, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." If I say that I love GOD, but my heart and my mind were somewhere else, did I truly love HIM? And if I were to call myself a Christian, but my actions did not reflect the words or the actions of Jesus, was I truthful? For Jesus Himself said in John 14:15, "If you love Me, keep My commandments."

As time passed on, I became more and more infatuated with Kpop and music. I started watching Korean dramas, and Korean shows where Kpop groups would be the guests. Two of my favorite Korean shows were "Hello Counselor" and "Weekly Idol". I watched KBS and Korean variety shows so much that I started understanding some of the words they spoke. My brain even began playing the happy birthday song in Korean after I listened to BTS sing the song. I loved Kpop so much that I introduced it to my siblings. At first, they didn't seem to like it, but sometimes I can hear my sister watching Kpop songs. She now enjoys Blackpink, while I'm no longer a fan of Kpop. I even talked about BTS with my parents. I told them BTS's accomplishments. Months after I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, my dad took the family to a Korean grill where Kpop songs were playing in the background. He thought that I was still a fan of Kpop. But I stopped watching or listening to Kpop six months after discovering it.