Diary of the unknown

Thoughts

Everyday. So many thoughts run through. So many struggles of what's real and what's not and that's the reality of being in my head. The unknown. The millions of questions you think you have answers to and the millions of answers you have no idea go to what questions.

Reality ceases to exist when your thinking too much. Then everyday life kicks in. No matter where your from or what your going through. Everyones story is somewhat familiar. Okay so I lied. Not everyone's but the ones who understand what goes on in someomes head.

In my mind are thoughts that plaque my mind. They hinder what I feel and see. Does that make sense at all. Everywhere you go you either see or hear it. Reach out. Reach out for help. I know I do. But the internal battle that goes on in my mind hinder that. See I wake up some mornings thinking fuck. What am I still doing here or today's going to be a good day. Or what can I do so I don't feel so alone or useless. Because to be honest that's what I feel every day. Alone and useless.

Alone not because I'm truly alone. No alone as in there's people around me but I'm hiding away scared. Scared of what the days failure will be. Overthinking every thing even if it's of the most simplistic things.

Then useless. Feeling completely useless. Where no matter what I do or say its never a rewarding after effect. Like despite doing what I feel is everything I can I'm missing something. Big or small I'm missing something. Never know what it is. Just like I'm missing something crucial.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a suicidal person at times. And that's only once in a blue moon. Times where I feel I'm never doing enough or what I've done isn't acceptable. Feeling like despite doing all I can the world still hates me and wants to throw me more obstacles. I can't win.