deathly love

Chapter 20: Near End

Ever since finding out what had happened to Roar, I hadn't really been up for doing anything. I had only gone to school once this week, and I hadn't even seen Damien at all. I hadn't talked to Mitch since that night at his apartment, and I was beginning to think that everyone was avoiding me.

I thought back to that day in the boys' locker room with Shawn. When we passed each other in the hallway, he secretly smiled at me, but did it to where no one else would notice. Still, he wouldn't really look at me. I wondered what Shawn's so called friends would say to him when, or even if, he told them he was gay.

But for some reason, the thing that was on my mind the most right now was still Gregory's death. I wanted to know, almost needed to know, why Kristian had killed Gregory. What was really the reason, and had he even meant to do it? I didn't know why I was still hung up on this. I thought I had let it go. But, I wouldn't ever know unless I confronted him. Or spied on him. The thought had occured to me several times before, but it felt wrong to keep spying on Kristian. Still, I ached to know what really happened.

Right now, it was about 2:35 P.M. I planned out what to do in order to be able to spy on Kristian. First, I would drive to the school and wait for it to let out, but I would park somewhere where no one would see me. I would wait for Kristian, and when I saw him leave, I would follow him, but not at a noticeable distance. For the rest of the day, I would see what he was doing, see if I could figure anything else out on my own, and then I would confront him about it and ask him to tell me why he did it. The plan was perfect, foolproof. At least, I hoped it was.

I ran out to my car and drove to the school. Just as I had planned, I parked on the curb of one of the streets. From here, I knew I would be able to see Kristian's car when he pulled out, but he wouldn't see me. I sat in my car on the curb until I saw students beginning to pile out of the building. I watched carefully to see if I could see Kristian or his car, but I couldn't. I waited for about twenty minutes. Right before I decided to leave the school and go back home, I saw Krisitan exit the school. But he wasn't alone. Damien was walking by his side.

Damien held his books in a poised, delicate way, and he walked with such grace that it was almost like he floated. I missed him so much. We hadn't seen or talked to each other for a few days, but it was beginning to feel like an eternity.

I watched the two of them carefully. Now, besides a few stray people standing at their cars talking, Damien and Kristian were the only two in the parking lot. What are they doing?, I asked myself. I hoped for the best but feared the worst. Was this really happening all over again? Was another one of my boyfriends cheating on me again with Kristian? If he was, I honestly didn't know if I would want to go on any longer. But I hoped to whoever was in charge of our lives that he wasn't.

Kristian and Damien walked over to Kristian's car and Kristian leaned against it, talking. Damien stood about two feet from Kristian, but he didn't seem to look like he was paying too much attention to Kristian himself, just what he was saying. Damien kept looking around, almost like he was looking for something. Or someone, I thought. I felt a little like I was being overprotective. I mean, Damien could make his own choices and his own mistakes without my help. But I just hoped he was making the right ones. I watched them a little too carefully for the next several minutes, then Damien waved goodbye to Kristian and walked off. Kristian stared after him for a few minutes, but not in a longing way thank goodness, before getting into his car and starting it up. It took me a minute to realize that I was supposed to follow him. I turned my key in the ignition, and my car made a sound that couldn't be anything better than awful. I tried again, but it seemed like it just wanted to quit. I smacked my fist on the steering wheel, which set off the horn. I jumped, and when my heart settled down, I tried one more time. This time, it started right up. I sighed and cursed under my breath. "Why couldn't you have done that in the first place, you dumb-ass?," I thought aloud to my car.