The Flyer & The Frat Star

The Confession

A/N: Before starting the chapter I just want to include a trigger warning for rape and sexual assault. Also, please listen to this playlist during the chapter to get the full effect:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3IoLh3FeDr0AVNqU4kNi4i?si=YoVll35fTR6LkjUVNv5Hsg (lmk if this link works!!)

Josephine

I somehow make it back into my dorm room before completely breaking down. I fall onto the floor, heaving for breath as the hot tears stream down my cheeks. The entire Uber ride from the hotel to here is a complete blur, almost as if I was sleepwalking. I completely dissociated from myself, but I am unfortunately thrust back into my horrifying, shameful reality. I let out a painful scream as I struggle to rip the tight dress from my body, hating the way it makes my body feel when just hours ago I felt like the sexiest woman in the room. I stumble over to my closet and throw on my biggest pair of sweatpants before slipping on Hero's flannel, buttoning it up all the way to the top. I flop onto my bed and curl up into a fetal position, attempting to take deep breaths to slow down my rapid heart and ascending panic, but every time I breathe it feels like my lungs are filling with water and the weight of my past is holding me under the crashing waves.

I try to let the scent of Hero from his flannel engulf me and pull me from this darkness, allow the memories of his hands on my body to overtake the experience I've attempted to keep at bay. I'm only met with sadness and shame as his smell reminds me of everything I left behind in that hotel room. I've completely ruined my relationship, hell, even my friendship with Hero. He probably thinks I'm absolutely insane. Maybe I am. I certainly feel it right now. I let out another wail, desperate to crawl out of my own skin, to no longer feel these overwhelming emotions utterly consuming me.

After 10 minutes of relentless sobbing, my breathing finally begins to slow. The tears are now silently falling from my eyes as I wipe the snot and makeup from my face with the ends of Hero's long flannel, too numb to be bothered by my unladylike behavior. I reach into my bedside drawer to grab my headphones, my eye momentarily catching on the solitary rose Hero gave me hours earlier as another wave of sadness passes through me thinking about how the best night of my life turned into this. I've ruined the only good thing in my life. Why did I think I deserved to achieve the level of happiness that being with Hero gave me? That level of comfortability and safety? I place the headphones in and play the one playlist I haven't listened to in months. If I can't escape these flashes of the past, then I might as well completely immerse myself in the memory. Relive the experience and hope to come out the other side. Anything to escape this pain. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach as the first song begins, as I immediately feel the darkness closing in that I've worked so hard to escape. Before I can completely lose myself in the music, a loud banging on my door startles me from my wallow.

"Jo!" Hero's voice yells from right outside the door. "Josephine, please open the door!" he continues his relentless knocking. I turn the music up in my headphones to drown out his voice, not wanting to face my embarrassing actions and certainly not wanting to explain myself to him. "Josephine, I know you're in there. Please let me in," I hear his muffled voice through my headphones, but I continue to ignore his pleas. It's only when Hero bursts through my door that I realize I forgot to lock it amidst my meltdown. I rip the headphones from my ears and scramble to the corner of my bed at the intrusion, Hero's wild, concerned eyes finding immediately finding my startled expression. "I'm sorry," he huffs out, seemingly out of breath as if he rushed to get here. "The door was unlocked. Are you okay, Josephine? What happened? What did I do wrong? Why did you run from me?" The questions come in quick succession as he catches his breath and moves to walk towards my hunched figure in the corner of the bed.