quotes from the dumpster fire

heckitty heck i crave death

Context is dead and I'm taking its body in for the reward money

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P: I have spots on my chest

J: THOSE ARE NIPPLES

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Ez: Ace, you remind me of an aglet because no-one knows your name

Ace: You just said my name

Ez: Oh...

Ace: You remind me of an aglet because NO-ONE CARES about you

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Oz: I am stupid

Me: Same but why

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Me: I could pick you up and yeet you across the room

Oz: I'm not going to argue with that because I know you could

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P: *high pitched screaming*

Me: *looks outside*
Me: Stop spraying him with the hose!

J: He threw rocks at me!

Me: Keep spraying him with the hose!

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J: *playing Misty Mountains*

Me: Misty Mountains is just Dwarvish Country Roads, Take Me Home

J: ....
J: *slaps me*

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Mason, to Haylee: Stop snorting my cat she isn't crack cocaine

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Me: That's a good idea but also fuck you

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Me: If I were a pokemon, I'd be a joltik.

P: If I were a pokemon, I'd be-

Me: A bitch?

P: THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY, SCREW YOU

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Mum: I tried to buy a tv for P but I was outbid by two dollars

P, from across the house: That's sad

Mum: I'M SORRY

P: IT'S STILL SAD

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Me: Off topic, (not that I know what the topic is in the first place,) but-

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J: I'm not eating it, I'm.... *gestures vaguely* I'm snorting it

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Nick: Vive la suicide!

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Spencer: Remember the nya?

Me: Bring anime bear me again and i'll break your niko niko kneecaps

Spencer: That's kinda kinky

Me: HOW ON EARTH-

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J: Something touched my head!
J: .... I think it might have been my hair

(it was a peacock feather)

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P: *ringing a bell obnoxiously loud*

Mum: P, I'm going to shove that bell where the sun doesn't shine if you don't cut that shit out