quotes from the dumpster fire

quarantine quarantine quarantine quarantine quarantiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

haha we're dying

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Mum, muffled: Stop leaning into my feet, kitty!

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Me: Are you having an existential crisis?

Mason: Nooooooo
Mason: ....
Mason: Yes

~Literally 2 minutes later~

Mason: Existential crisis mode hath been activated

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Teacher Jane: You know I really shouldn't do that, [other teacher] would probably bite my head off.

Mason: Is that physically possible?

Teacher Jane: Probably not, but they'd try

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Nan, to Grandad: The backdoor was open and I heard someone talking so I thought you were outside. So I'm talking to you, but it wasn't you, it was the bloody bird!

Grandad, Me and Mum: *absolutely dying with laughter*

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Jordan: *something something something*, Ian Malcolm pose!

Mum: WHAT

Me: Like in Jurassic Park????!!

Jordan: I couldn't think of the word sexy!!

Mum: SO YOU COME UP WITH IAN MALCOLM POSE??!?!?????

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Mason: so basically the entire magical realm wants him elimintated

Me: "elimintated"

Mason: Shush

*literally not even two minutes later*

Me: good and evil is only ascribed to how something treat humans so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Nan: Are you going to exercise with me tomorrow?

Me: No promises

Nan: Yes, I'll wake you up at five so we can go for a walk at six

Me: noooooooo!

Nan: *laughs*

Me: Grandad, Nan's trying to wake me up at five in the morning tomorrow

Grandad: Good, she wakes me up at five in the morning every day, too.

Nan, yelling dramatically: SYMPATHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

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Me: Look, I didn't say the whole fuck word-

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Me: *picks up egg, shows it to Mum*
Me: Why is it green.

Mum: Because they're Araucanas.

Nan: Who's an avocado?

*for the record, an Auracana is a type of chicken that lays green/blue eggs*

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Me: Here have a.......... acorn

Friend: What-?

Me: I forgot the word for acorn

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P: Mum screwed your face up.