quotes from the dumpster fire

hhhhhhhhhhfuck

*villager noise* hrrmmmm

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P: RIP these apples

J: Your face is apples

Me: RIP your face

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Me: WHY WOULD YOU THROW THE CAT ON MY BUTT?!?!?!?

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Me: Mum, there's an accordion cover of 'My Heart Will Go On'

Mum: I don't want to know

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Me: *steals piece of apple from P*

P: This is why I have trust issues

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Nan: You're old enough now that I'm going to stop giving you pocket money soon.

J: Yeah. Get a job, slackass

Me: *gasp* rude!

Nan: It's fine. We'll set up your Jobseekers payment soon.

J: Yeah, take em for every penny they've got. Stick it to the man!!

Nan: Wait what

Me: STICK IT TO THE MAN

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Nan: Are you alright in there?

Me: Ye-

J: They're dying

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J: It's fine, it's an offence to my nostrils not to me

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Me: I'm probably the most chill out of all of us, which is saying something because I have anxiety.

P: You dare challenge my position as the most chill in this house?

Me: You're hyper like ninety percent of the time

P: Ninety-one percent

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Me: Climb it

P: No

Me: Coward

P: Well then why don't YOU climb it?

Me: Because I am also a coward

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Lizzy: *playling Forza*
Lizzy: I should not be drifting
Lizzy: but YOLO!
Lizzy: *crashes into side of road*

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Lizzy: *still playing Forza*
Lizzy: *crashes through fence* HONEY I'M HOME

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Me: WE ARE NOT SACRIFICING A GOAT TO THE BONFIRE

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Me: Look, JUST BECAUSE everyone I know is freakishly strong, doesn't mean I'm WEAK