In My Memories | Suicidal Villain Todoroki x Depressed Bakugou

3 | Suffocating

Shouto Todoroki

Serene silver strands of moonlight poured in through the inky window stained with a thin film of a slightly translucent white, illuminating a ragged, amalgamate beast of shadow on the floor from where I was sitting. Drenching my front half in a ghostly hue of the phosphorescent snow, the filaments of light somehow managed to wedge themselves into my eyes, regardless of how tightly my eyelids were clamped shut. I couldn't escape from the permeating light encroaching on my dilapidated box supposedly called a room. The white of the fluttering light seared through my eyelids and crept between the thin gaps of my shaking fingers, mantling my mind with solely the thought of such a vexing light.

My arms and legs were chained to the musty, creaking floor, stranding me in what seemed like an eternally vacuous cage.

Clack! Clink! Click!

The jingling chime of the chains sang softly into my ears whenever I made an attempt to move.

Although the square glass window was open, it still felt as though the air in the room was either thinning its supply of oxygen or thickening the other chemical elements and compounds contained within the air.

I sat there silently, attempting to shield my eyes from the scorching light, but I couldn't cut it away. It was as if the moonlight was an omnipotent entity able to pass through objects like the walls, floors, and myself—like the world was run by a program.

"I'm here," whispered a faint voice through the suffocating silence of the interminable night. Hearing the voice, my head jumped up eagerly, and my eyes were instinctively drawn to the melodic sound soughing through the trees. "I'm here," it whispered once more.

That recurring nightmare of mine strikes me awake at the precise moment it has since it first bared its bloodied fangs at me. I cannot fathom why this specific nightmare haunts my dreams, but it never ceases to return to me time after time in a degrading cycle. It's quite the disconcerting thought when I ponder over it, but I promptly shove my thoughts away and sit up in my bed.

Ah... Again? I think to myself, groggily blinking my eyes. How vexing. Reality feels as if it should be the nightmare. With a dazed train of thought, I think back to what occurred prior to falling asleep. He left and said that he was going to get another key.

Although I'm uncertain of how long Bakugou has been away for, or how long I've been sleeping, I glance around the dorm to ensure I'm alone. Cognizant that I potentially have only a minute or so before Bakugou returns, I heave myself out of my uncomfortable bed and deftly search through my bag until I find what my mind beckons for. Once I finally collect my things, I walk into the bathroom and lock the door behind me with a grim expression hanging loosely on my face.

I thought that perhaps I could survive another week without resorting to this, but it appears that I was incredibly wrong, I think haplessly to myself while using my quirk to form a single spike of cutting-edge ice. Every time I remember...I find another reason to hate myself. What I did was inexcusable. Watching my trembling right hand grip the sharp shard of ice as I draw it close to my arm, I sigh. But your virulent remarks hurt far more than you would believe. Still, I suppose it is merely a method of punishment for what I did. Ah, and how you referred to me as a sociopath—someone who does not possess emotion and disregards those around them—I wish that were the case, but it is not. Although I am typically capable of displaying any emotions I wish, regardless of the situation, that does not alter the truth.

"When I think of you and what I did to both of you, I lose my grip over my emotions," I mumble to myself, tightening my grip around the small spear of ice in my hand as my head grows thick from thought. "This never fails to put them back in their place." As if performing a hard reset on my emotions, I point the tip of the ice at my left arm and thrust it down until it breaks through my skin and grazes softly along my muscles and tendons. The sensation of the durable, thin blade of ice puncturing my skin and biting down to drag out my blood like a small animal from a burrow sends a chillingly warm wave of relief over me. "Hah..."