Izuku Midoriya
My heart throbs, as if someone is repetitively squeezing it, clamping down on it within their palm time and time again like a stress ball of sorts. I wasn't present on the roof at the time that Todoroki jumped, but that's what makes the guilt of the situation so unbearably crushing. To know that I could have potentially prevented the suicide of Shouto Todoroki...is an abysmal feeling that rots my insides.
Why was I so mean to you, Todoroki? I ask myself as I walk towards the elevator with Kacchan. I know I'm...erm, well, sick, but that's no excuse. I shouldn't be inflicting pain on the people around me because of a problem that I have. I...don't know. Ever since Kacchan started to put me down, I've wondered what it's like to be the one putting others down. I've always made attempts to be the hero I dreamed of being, and for years I couldn't see myself trying to hurt someone else for my own benefit. But I've seen how far that mentality has gotten me—it left me pregnable in a position to be taken advantage of. I gulp as the elevator doors close me into temporary isolation with Kacchan. Kacchan kept exploiting my feebleness—the fact that I would never retaliate—so I killed two birds with one stone when I finally struck back. I still can't decide whether or not that felt right or wrong.
Sighing deeply, Kacchan opens his mouth to speak. "You're not gonna make a spiel about how I'm a failure for not being able to save him?" he murmurs with a ragged, strained voice.
It was also my job to save him, because I had a feeling that he was planning on jumping. I could've confronted him about it, but I didn't do that. Now he's...gone.
Running the sides of my palms along the folds of my tears, I mutter, "I-I'm sorry, but I can't...talk to you right now. It's n-not just your fault, though. D-Don't...carry the burden alone."
We really do take everything for granted, don't we? At first, we're grateful, but after a while, we commit what we've gained to memory as the new norm. Once it's stripped from us, we're infuriated, and it's then that we realize we never truly appreciated it enough.
Kacchan casts his gaze to the floor, leaving silence to ensue from my words. This is the first time I've seen tears in his ruby eyes in roughly a decade, although I suppose I'd be concerned if he wasn't weeping over Todoroki. Honestly, though, something about witnessing the forlorn eyes of someone who was rather emphatic about his detestation of me causes my heart to ache.
"Bye, K-Kacchan," I murmur once a ding! subconsciously alerts me that the elevator has stopped at the second floor of the building.
The dull resonance of silence greets me after the doors of the elevator have shut and the complex machine continues to ascend. I amble towards my dorm through this thicket of eerie tranquility, vacantly unlocking the door and suddenly wondering when it was that I ended up inside my dorm. I shake my head and falter to my knees, hanging my head over my knees and pressing my hands over my eyes.
Truthfully, I can't describe what I'm feeling, but it's like a blanket of sorrow has fallen over me...and each time I become aware of its presence, it vanishes before my eyes. The cycle is almost torturous, like snow is collecting on my body, and the moment I begin to meander towards the warmth of the indoors, the snow melts; the lasting effects of the previously lingering snow remains, but due to the fact that it is no longer there, I decide to remain stranded in the bleak weather.
Warm tears slip down my cheeks as I stare through the slight gap of light between my fingers created by the space separating both of my pinky fingers.
Some hero you are, Deku, I scold myself as a subtle ringing scratches against my ears. Idiot... You idiot! Why did you listen to Kacchan? He was just being impulsive. Anyone would be panicking in that situation. Deku, you idiot, you could've done more. The subdued ringing in my ears begins to blare vehemently, which causes me to reflexively clasp my ears. Why this again? Make it stop... Make it stop! Someone, please make it stop!
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In My Memories | Suicidal Villain Todoroki x Depressed Bakugou
Fanfiction[Please refrain from reading this fic. It's old, and I had no idea what I was doing. You will cringe at my writing. Please do yourself a favor here.] Shouto Todoroki is the childhood friend of Katsuki Bakugou and Izuku Midoriya, but once he confesse...
