In My Memories | Suicidal Villain Todoroki x Depressed Bakugou

16 | I Would Pay Any Price

Katsuki Bakugou

"Shouto," I find myself muttering with incandescent rage. "I couldn't... I-I couldn't do anything—not one single goddamn thing!" I drive my fists down against the ground, causing an umbrella of water to spurt up in an arc, and fall back down. My hot, heavy breaths huff through my lips as I scrunch my eyes closed.

Why did he have to be taken from me like this? I ask myself, despite a definitive answer not being available to me. Why couldn't I have been faster? Why couldn't I have done something more? I knew what he was gonna do, and yet, I...

Aizawa crouches down beside me with stern, yet merciful onyx eyes. "Bakugou, I notified All Might and Recovery Girl when Midoriya found me, so he may yet still be alive. Come with me, you two; back inside." He gestures for us to follow him, and, much to my chagrin, I follow in line like an obedient dog until we've all gathered in the elevator. "Can you two tell me what happened?"

Deku, whose eyes are red, swollen, and leaking with tears, surreptitiously glances at me at the precise moment that my eyes drift to him. There isn't a single fiber of my being that objects to beating his ass to hell and back, but for the sake of Todoroki, and not receiving an immediate expulsion for beating Deku's ass to hell and back, I cross my arms through my anguish and begin to open my mouth. "He...already tried once," I manage to say through my raspy breaths. "It was at the party. He excused himself twice, and for his final time, he eventually went to the roof. I...coerced him into going back to our dorm, and after that, he jumped off the damn roof. I couldn't...s-save him in time, dammit! He's not alive—I heard his body hit the ground!" I wasn't good enough to save you, Shouto!

Aizawa wraps his arm around my neck, although I promptly bat his arm away like a feisty feline. His arm lingers, raised behind my back, but I can detect from the corner of my eye that he's returning it to his side. Honestly, though, half of me currently finds physical touch to be a vile piece of shit, but the other half of me longs for it, like it's an abrupt craving.

Ding!

As we arrive at the main floor, Aizawa's phone rings. He fumbles through his pocket until he picks it up. "Aizawa," he states in a neutral tone. "It was the west side of the building. Are you positive? Bakugou recently informed me that he heard his body hitting the ground, so he must be there." He presses the palm of his hand against the bottom of his phone and turns to face me. "You're absolutely positive you—"

CHRIST, I'M NOT LYING! At this point, my fuse snaps like a metal chain, unleashing the ocean of fury I'd kept simmering at a boil; now this rage overflows as it pumps through my veins. "I saw with my own two goddamn eyes that he jumped off the fucking roof," I snarl tempestuously, furiously blinking away my streaming tears. "I saw him standing there with his fake-ass smile before he took a swan dive off the roof. What I saw...is the truth, dammit! It's not like I want to accept that, but what the hell else can I do!?" I sink my teeth into my lower lip as it begins to throb and pulsate in agony, but I continue to force my teeth down until the alleviating taste of blood disperses through my mouth.

Fiddling apprehensively with his hands, Deku also partially validates my claim with his broken voice. "I-I met Todoroki on the roof before Kacchan arrived, and something was d-definitely off about him. H-He was apologizing to me, but he said something like, 'If I do not apologize now, I will never have the opportunity to do it in the future.' H-H sounded very...desperate." He softly sniffles, his nose wrinkling and causing his freckles to arch upwards.

It feels like my heart disintegrated. I'd call you a selfish piece of shit for making Deku and me both feel like shit, but I guess...it's the grand price I have to pay as punishment for rejecting and neglecting you. I should've cherished you while you were here—held you tight and never let go—but I treated you like a sack of shit. For that, I'll never forgive myself. There'll never be a damn day when I can forgive myself for this! I want you here with me, Shouto. I want you here at my side... But I burned that goddamn privilege. I never deserved you in the first place, Shouto. Never. I'm so fucking worthless! I'm such an idiot! I pushed the person I love to commit goddamn suicide!