In My Memories | Suicidal Villain Todoroki x Depressed Bakugou

14 | Hearts Fall Apart

Katsuki Bakugou

"Shouto, what the hell!" I vociferate, stabbing my hands through the air to clasp onto his wrist. Deku follows suit while he also instinctually bellows Todoroki's first name. "What the fuck do you think you're doing to yourself!?" Deku and I both pry Todoroki's hand away from his face, revealing the dark hole further darkened by the night that has eaten its way through his left eye.

Deku now transitions to restraining Todoroki's left hand. "This...i-isn't right! Wh-Why would you—"

I should've seen it. I should've known. Dammit! Damn it all to hell! He's hardly done shit to his right side, but that left half of him has been abominably mutilated. No one stabs their goddamn eye because they feel like it. No. Hatred or some incentive has gotta be running deep through your veins to have the will to do something like that! And if I know Shouto, it's hatred. God, I more than likely made him learn to hate himself.

Grimacing, Todoroki attempts to squirm out of our grips, but he's unable to wrench his arms free. "Let me go," he grumbles brusquely, his lone silver eye piercing through my equilibrium like the sharp eye of a bird of prey.

"Hell no!" I immediately retort, casting my gaze down to Deku. "Oi. Go fetch the damn teacher. I'm not asking you, Deku—I'm ordering you to. Now hurry your ass up and GO!" After sliding my lips back to flaunt my fangs at Deku, he purses his lips and reels back from Todoroki, shooting down to the elevator without another word. "Dammit, if you think you're giving yourself a reprieve like this, then hell are you wrong! You're deluding yourself with the instant 'pleasure' you get. It's not helping you, dammit! You're just exacerbating the wound by rubbing salt into it. Are you trying to kill yourself?" Once I begin to register the words that have flown out of my mouth and have been heard and interpreted by Todoroki, I can feel the weightlessness of the tenebrous world around me as my lungs slowly swell with air.

How... How fucked up is your life? I wanted to die because I felt worthless, and I couldn't handle any sort of discipline directed at me. Thoughts of dying still surface in my mind fairly frequently, but I know I'd be hurting more people than I'd be helping if I pursued those thoughts and reeled them in. Choosing to die like this is also the weak way out—it's sayin' you have nothing left in you to fight with. Shouto, you've still got glowing embers left in you, but you're pouring water over them. I'm...not gonna let them sizzle out. I'm not gonna give up on you, so why should you give up on yourself?

With his head sagging down at the ground, Todoroki's face is obscured by the shadows dancing about the night, and for a mere second in the void of time, only the patting of the rain slapping the ground can be heard. "As ashamed as I am to admit the truth," he begins with a hoarse voice, "I will confirm your implied affirmation." His lilt oscillates through his strained gasps, but I can't begin to imagine the agony of a sharp object of any kind being thrust into my eye. "I never should have been given the opportunity to live when I am depriving others of their happiness. I bring only suffering with me wherever I go. I deserve to die, Katsuki. It's all my fault. I-I'm...worthless."

Shit! "Don't you ever think like that!" I roar, embracing his frigid body fast.

You're even throwing my opinions into the damn trash when you say things like that! Do you even know what you're saying? Back then, you gave me a genuine reason to smile. I wanted to protect you with a smile, just like All Might could. It wasn't just smiling, though. You made me happy. You gave me a kind of joy that I now envy, because I can't hope to get it back any time soon. Maybe you'll argue that those memories are obsolete, outdated, and no longer applicable, but that will never change the fact that you weren't depriving me of any happiness. It was never you who was making me suffer—it was entirely my fault. You're the one who's suffering, but you're acting like you aren't—whether that's selfless or selfish, I can't say, but it undoubtedly means you're one of the strongest people here. Again, I don't know the hell you've been through or for how long it's been holding you hostage for, but it's the fault of the people who've made you feel like shit; we made you lose the will to live, so how the hell is it your fault? Have you ever attempted to pry off the hands of a thief? To return abuse to the abuser? To murder the murderer? No. You soak it all up like a sponge and keep your mouth bolted shut. In fact, you forgive immediately. Your body ain't just a toy to throw around... Therefore your life is not a material object, so don't throw it away like this. Don't leave it to deteriorate. Don't...leave it to be forgotten.