Alright now that my class did a work shop for this which is a combination of two chapters I got some great feedback. So here is the new update
Brynn Rawlings
The girls fell asleep in the middle of my favorite Disney movie, Hercules. I carried Luna to her room, kissed her forehead, and closed her door lightly.
"I think you really made her day," Jorja said coming up behind me.
"She deserves some happiness. So do you. Remember my door is always open for you two." I said. Jorja wrapped her arms around my neck, then I pulled her closer as I wrapped mine around her waist.
"I know." I licked my lips as her eyes kept switching from my lips to my eyes.
"You know, sometimes it's best to just do what your mind is thinking," I said, and with that, I felt her soft lips on mine.
She pulled me down a bit, deepening the kiss. I gently bit her bottom lip. Jorja moaned in my mouth, allowing me to slip my tongue in her mouth. We fought for dominance, but she easily gave it up to me. Backing her up against the wall, I picked her up, and she encircled her legs around my waist. Before anything could advance further, we heard the front door open, then evolved to a bunch of other voices. I set her down fixing myself. I grasped her chin gently giving her one last kiss. I walked into the bathroom flushing the toilet so it wouldn't seem too suspicious.
"Man, what are you still doing here." her boyfriend said.
"Mr. Hill, we had a conversation earlier today, don't test me boy," I said. I stepped over to Korin, who is sleeping on the couch, and pulled her up with my blazer suit jacket around her. "Call me, or come over if Luna wants to come over or whatnot."
I carried her to the car, placed her in the backseat. Then woke her up a bit to put the seat belt around her. While I was driving home, I continued to notice this car following us. It would slow down once it got too close, then speed back up when it was too far. Meanwhile, I pulled up to the garage, driving in, growing irritated at who could be following me.
Hermès Jabami
I swiftly carried Korin upstairs, changing her out of her play clothes, then into one of my big shirts. Shutting the door gently, before turning up the sound machine outside of her door, I walked to my office. Then popped my neck, while punching in the code to my weapon safe.
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I grabbed a cigar, cutting the tip-off and lighting it before grabbing a tactical HK416 assault rifle.
Then hearing glass shattering on the floor, I walked out of the office hearing more voices as I walked closer to the sound.
"All I know is, that glass better be cleaned up in the next minute, and that's me being generous," I said. They all saw me loading the HK416, then letting it rest on my shoulder.
They all pointed their pistols at me, but those little things aren't quick enough for this.
"Now, one of the most powerful assault rifles in the world versus those." Then I pulled out my .50 Cal Desert Eagle Mark XIX, "then the top deadliest and an almost illegal pistol that can blow a crater the size of a baseball in your head versus those."
I screwed on a silencer on both just in case I have to shoot. "Now who wants to be the first face on a white t-shirt? Broom and dustpan are in the kitchen, you have thirty seconds before you all will be mopping up someone's blood, and it won't be mine."
"Man you ain't gonna do shit." One of the masked men said. I twirled my Desert Eagle around on my finger, then smiled.
"OH FUCK!" He yelled bleeding from his leg.
"Now again, being generous as can be, there is a broom, dustpan, mop and bleach under the sink. You all have one minute to grab those supplies and clean this shit up. Hurry, because the next bullet to him might end his life." I said walking over to a chair sitting down.
They all rushed trying to find the kitchen.
"Who the fuck are you?" The guy on the ground said.
"Somebody that you or your little friends don't want to fuck with. Now remove the mask." I demanded. The guy immediately took the mask off. Once I got a look at his face, the group of guys came back and started cleaning." I see no one happened to be smart enough to grab a bucket of water."
I placed the barrel of the gun on his thigh.
"Wait, wait, wait, please." The guy pleaded.
"This here is called the Femoral Artery. This is one of twenty major arteries in the human body. If I were to damage it, he will need to be rushed to the hospital before he bleeds to death."
"Lord y'all about to get me killed." The guy started crying.
"Mr. Hill, go and get the bucket, fill it halfway with water, and do not pour a lot of bleach in it," I said not looking up. I knew one of the guys is him by his clothes and the fact he is the shortest out of all of them.
I heard footsteps moving, but not towards the kitchen. Little did they know, my guys are here. All four, Lorenzo, Mohammed, Daxx, and Abel, came down with their own HK416's loaded and ready to go. I also heard, possibly the same person, tumbling down the stairs. I moved the position of my gun to his head.
"Why do you all insist on playing with me? At this point, my generosity is going out the door." They scrambled like roaches, to clean up while I put my cigar out on his thigh. He yelled in pain as I walked over to Mr. Da'jonte Hill.
Dutch = Italics
"Da'jonte Murphy Hill, you don't listen do you. Earlier we discussed for you to not fuck with me. But you come to my house, my home, where my daughter lays her head here, to do this shit. Take him to the warehouse. I'm going to make you wish you haven't followed here. Also for your little gang here, you all better stay out of this neighborhood, after you rob my neighbor on the left. After that, don't come here." Lorenzo and Mohammed picked him up and dragged him to the garage.
When I came back to the guy on the floor crying, the mess they made is cleaned up.
"Fix him up in the garage. Remove the bullet while you're at it, please. Tools you need are in there." I told Daxx. "Any blood left on this floor once he is moved, clean it up, then follow my guy so your friend is fixed up, and clean that blood up too. Once you are done dispose of the contaminated items, and Mr. Hill will not accompany you all tonight, or for the next few days. Do not come back to this house, or this neighborhood after you rob my neighbor, who again lives in the house on the left. If you all value your life do as I say."
Mohammed Jabami
"Who the fuck are y'all?" Da'jonte asked.
"Do not worry about that information, Mr. Hill. Just do as she said, and you will live, if not then that's your funeral." I said.
Lorenzo is in the backseat with him with his gun next to him. We zipped tied Da'jonte's hands so he can't grab anything. He is going to regret following Hermès to her home. This will be the worst beating of his life, presumably if it is. Nobody is going to save him, but he brought this upon himself. Nobody, and I mean nobody gets a second chance with Hermès, but I think she is holding out for Jorja, since he is the father of Luna.
"Okay, can you at least tell me who she is," Da'jonte asked us.
"No. You already caused yourself a lot of trouble, so I suggest you stop digging for information. Be grateful that you are not dead." Lorenzo said. "Yet, of course."
