life sucks sometimes

last letter to her (maybe)

Hi again again again
I've written this so many times
Always promising the same thing
That I'm over you
This time it might actually be true
I still like you
I don't know if I'll ever stop
But the feeling is like a wave
Or a rollercoaster
It comes and goes
It goes up and down
Lately it's been down
I haven't been in as much pain
I don't know what I'm saying
I guess I'm trying to be deep and poetic
But I just sound weird and stupid
Honestly you were my first girl crush
My first real crush infact
I've never fallen for someone as hard as I did for you
You're so beautiful and kind and caring and hold and confident and unapologetically you
You don't take shit from anyone
You stand up for your values
I admire you
I admire your strength and your beauty
I'm sorry if I was weird when we were friends-ish
I dumped a lot of personal shit on you all at once
It's cause I felt like I could trust you
I felt like you could be my true connection
Like you could be the friend that truly understands me
I guess I was wrong
I moved too fast
I tried too hard
I probably scared you and I'm really sorry
I didn't mean to lose you so fast
If I'm being totally honest, I have a feeling you either didn't actually like me or you were in a bad mental place
It was probably a combination
God why do I still write about you?
There is no way you cared about me and our friendship as much as did
I keep rambling and getting off topic
Sorry
Basically, I'm sorry if I ruined our kinda friendship by trying too hard or moving too fast
I know you don't care as much
But I'm writing this for me
To let go of my feelings
I'm writing this to hopefully
Finally
Let go of you
Goodbye
I wish it could've worked out
I'll miss you
But this is for my happiness
Bye Marisa
Have a good life darling