Why am I like this?
I want to push away the people who are my friends
I want to be with people who hate me
Or find me annoying
Or don't care at all
I push myself from everyone who I think maybe loves me
But I don't want to love them
I don't want them to be the ones
I want the others
I don't know if this is how it will always be
Or if these people aren't for me
Are my friends not the ones?
Are they not for me?
Or am I just fucking crazy?
Am I just a bad person?
I don't know
I don't know if my feelings are right
I mean
I'm allowed to feel whatever
My feelings are not invalid
But I feel like they might be this time
I just don't know anymore
I thought I was happy
I thought my mental health was better
But I'm back to where I used to be used
Sad and depressed in a room full of people
Confused as to who is my real friend and just someone I know
Longing for a true connection
I thought I learned my lesson
I thought I was finally ok
I don't want to be here again
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why am I like this?
All I want is a true friend that I love
That loves me
I don't even fucking want a relationship
I just want a fucking real friend
Is that so hard to ask for?
Why can't I find one?
Why can't I find someone who I connect with?
I know friendships take work
I put work in them
But the other people don't
I'm the one to always reach out
Why is it always me?
Why can't someone actually fucking want to see me?
I know
I don't always try my hardest
But in my defense
Neither do they
They don't make up for it
I try to talk and they don't listen
They don't care
No one cares
No one is really mine
I am no one's favorite person
I fucking want someone who is mine
Who is my best friend
Who misses me when I'm gone
Who loves me
Who is easy to talk to
Who is funny and kind
I want a true connection
I feel like I don't have that with my friends
I could work for it
I should work for it
But I don't want to
They aren't the ones I want
They aren't the ones for me
They aren't my true connection
I need to find my true connection
YOU ARE READING
life sucks sometimes
No Ficciónthis is gonna be a rant book for when I feel sad or angry or any negative shit I feel like a burden to my friends so this is where I'll complain if you see this and know me from school/real life, DO NOT SHARE IT DO NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT If you d...
