THE LEGENDARY HOT GIRL | ATEEZ 18+

12 | IT'S RIGHT HERE

"I haven't had a breakdown yet since I've arrived. I don't know whether or not it's because I haven't had the time to in between the moving in and settling down," I say.

Well, I haven't done much moving in physically but it definitely took a toll on me mentally as it would with any person. Everything I've ever known is half a world away.

"Or?" Seonghwa raises a brow.

"Or if it's because I just needed to get away."

At the end of the day, I had ultimately become a product of my own environment. That place, those people— it made me who I was. It made me unforgiving and relentless. Maybe a change of scenery was what I needed after all.

Seonghwa, who usually uses his iPad before bed, tosses it aside to give me his undivided attention. He was so attentive to me lately that I was beginning to grow accustomed to it. "That's a new record," he teases.

"After every breakdown I always say something about 'going away' and 'not wanting to be here anymore', I didn't think much of it until now," I say. In my mind, I always thought I wanted to disappear off the face of the planet earth.

But I didn't.

No one wants to die, not really.

Everyone wants to live, but in better ways.

People only want to die when they think it won't get better.

I've had my fair share of suicidal thoughts but I couldn't stop clinging onto that one last bit of hope: the hope of one day seeing my kids, of meeting my one true love and living happily ever after. I imagined a life where I would always have an abundance of love, where I wouldn't ever have to go without it again.

"I think everything has a reason," I tell him.

Seonghwa takes my hand and I'm stunned by his action. The warmth that radiated from him sent chills throughout. He looks at my palm for a moment as he gently caresses it with one hand. "I'll be here for you... from now on," he says. He then looks me in the eyes.

The lights above casted a sheen gloss over his dark pupils and gave him an illuminating aura. He looks at me with sincerity and I had no doubts about it. I inevitably fell prey to his softness right then and there.

I smile at him, truly.

This wasn't an ideal situation for either of us but he made the experience a hell of a lot easier.

"Did you put those condoms in your drawer?" I recall seeing them a few days back but never getting the chance to ask.

If he was the one who put them there then that meant he was okay with having sex with a condom, thus we can fuck. But if he didn't... I don't doubt that he still didn't want to use one if we ever did anyways.

Seonghwa's gaze flickers around to the nightstand and then he reaches for the knob and pulls it open. There were a variety of them lined up and color coordinated. "It was probably the house manager," he says.

Ah, how long will I last?

Girls are human beings, we have needs too.

"Strawberry... Ribbed," he reads through each of the labels.

"Oh?" I lean over to take a closer look.

"I like raw," he says.

And goodnight.

"Oh? I don't see that option," I skim through the various condoms, pretending to look for it.

"It's right here," he says.