My Disappointing Diary

2-24-20

Oof I'm on the career center bus now. Sorry I started so late. It's because I was busy with getting ready. It was obviously tougher than normal. I wonder if chef is gonna let me in the kitchen. I'm sitting here waiting for the bell now. And yes he let me in the kitchen surprisingly. I have to make an appointment to see the eye doctor and I have my Charleston appointment tomorrow. Which kinda sucks since I won't be able to see Alex but I'll just text him when he gets out of school. I'm not gonna like today because I'll probably get a lot of stares and questions. I just have to sick it up and deal with it. And since my mom went to the nurse's office...I don't know? Anyway at least Alex was nice. And oof when we were walking to the school I almost ran into the gate thing and he just straight up put his arm around me. Like oof😔✌️🙃💅😫. And I was like I'm gonna run into that and that's when he put his arm around me and moved me next to him and he was like I'm not gonna let that happen. I was dying like he was so close. And I was like what are you doing I can see fine and he was like I was hugging you so I put my arm over his bookbag and then I was like we both know you just wanted to hold me it's ok and he was like yeah obviously. Like even though he was playing I felt my heart start to race and my face get hot. I felt like he meant it even if we were just playing around. Now we're on the bus back. Oof I just ran after him because he hit me with his hat. Oof in third now and I just finished the test. I hope I make at least a C. I know I'll do good on my test in 4th block. I forgot to give Alex the code and the note I wrote. Oof guess I'll just have to wait till Wednesday. I was distracted by his adorable dorky self. I'm kinda sad that I won't be able to see him tomorrow but I told him to make sure he texts me when he gets home since he has ROTC after school. When I told him I wasn't going to be here tomorrow he was like what! Why not. And I was like I told you I have an appointment that day. And he was like no you didn't. Oof it's like 7 minutes till it's time to go. Oof I wanna see if I can catch a ride with Alex so I don't have to ride the bus. Yeah I'm gonna do that considering I have to give him the note thing. And I wanna spend a little bit more time with him considering I won't see him tomorrow. Oof hopefully I don't do anything stupid. Eh I don't think it would be any different from my usual stupidity so I don't think it would matter much. Ok so I'll be back when I get to Alex. Oof I gave it to him and he guessed that it was a part of the thing I have to do to let him see this. Oof I'm in the back of his Nana's car. He opened and closed the door for me. Like please send help because I don't think I can take it. Hopefully the code stuff works out so I can go ahead and confess instead of being a little baby about it 😔🙃💅. I'm home on my bed with my computer and charger set up. Ok so we usually share snacks when I'm riding with him in Nana's car. He gave me the rest of the cheezits we we're sharing like *insert yessir meme*. My friend/ex Matt texted asking about me because he tried to talk to me at school but I wasn't paying attention. So I just explained the situation to him and he's being a crackhead as usual to probably try and cheer me up. But Alex has already made my day(like always). He was just soooo nice to me today. Not that he isn't nice almost all the time. But yeah I just answered his mom back who sent me some voice messages this morning saying that she heard about what happened and that they were praying for me and just wanted to make sure I was ok and to check up on me. That kind of hit hard. Like because before I was angry but I don't think she thinks it's wrong and she thinks it's best for her son but I don't know if it really is. Like what if he really likes this girl but knows his parents wouldn't approve. He'd be stuck. And that'd be like my parents not allowing me to date white boys(which is what all my serious relationships were up to now). I would rebel. I swear because I fell for Alex not for his skin color but because he's so sweet and funny and cute and tall and kind. This might just be me but I don't give two flying fucks about someone's race shit they could be purple or blue for all I care. But as long as they've made me fall for them then that's really all that matters. I on the phone with Jordan talking about what Alex did today because I go to her for advice and just to gush. Oof gonna post now sorry it's not as long but me was busy. So uhh yeah byee!
- Angil