My Disappointing Diary

2-20-20

Well hello there! It is now 5:24am and I just got ready for school and I don't leave till like 6:50ish. So yeah nothing's happened since I came home that was noteworthy besides me asking to go over to his house again today and not getting an answer which was disappointing (like me). Ok so I'll be back either when I get to the bus stop or when I catch my ride (Alex's mom takes me and our other friend to school since we live so close). I'm walking to the bus stop now as usual. When I get up there I'll wait in me an Alex's other friend... Diego.   Yea I wait with Diego to get picked up by Alex's mom. I learned that I have to go straight home since my parents are taking my little brother to the doctor. I think they're going to Charleston for it. But that sucks since I wanted to go to Alex's house but eh. And plus I still need to tell him about my appointment for the doctor in Charleston on the 25th. I wonder how he'll react?  Anyway I'm currently trying to fix my hair so I don't look as stupid as usual. My sister did it last night but it didn't turn out how it was supposed to. I hope when I get home I can just walk over to Alex's house. And I hope I can go hangout with him tommorow and Saturday. Diego just got here. We're in the car now going to drop off his little sisters first then she'll go to our school. So by the way another thing I love about Alex is his height. He's a whole foot taller than me I'm 4'11 and he's 5'11. And he's gonna get taller too. And my other friend is like 6'1. His name can be... Jerry? Yeah sure his name is Jerry. So I have to ride the career center bus to get to the career center obviously. And I sit beside Alex the ride there and the ride back. And then I go to my class with Jerry. I'm taking Culinary Arts. Anyway now we're going to drop off his other sister. Then when she gets out I'll dive into the middle seats(I'm sitting in the trunk seat). It's about time to dive into the seat now so I'll be back after that. I'm now in the middle seat. I'm concerned because Alex is being really quiet. And while yes he's normally quiet I don't know... Anyway we're on our way to our school now. I hope he doesn't ask why I was about to cry last night. He probably won't but if he does I'll just say I was stressed or something like that. Gotta go get checked so I'll be back.im in the breakfast line now. Alex is sitting at a table near the door. I now have my food plus Alex's and Tom's. There's supposed to be a chance of it snowing later today. But I don't think it will because it just rained yesterday. I'm now on the career center bus waiting for Alex. He kinda left me and Tom at our table and he hasn't been talking to me as much as usual. I hope I didn't do anything wrong or anything to upset him. But anyway I don't know what's holding him up. He's not on the bus yet and I just hope he doesn't get left. He just sat down. Apparently last night he got into a fight with his mom about how everyone at his church thinks we're dating. He told her we're not but she was like well why does she always sit so close to you. And oof when we left the table for dinner last night everyone was talking about us. It kinda sucks since I low-key want us to be together but I don't at the same time. And he says even if I wanted to his step dad wouldn't allow it because he's probably racist. He said that his step dad said he wasn't allowed to date any black people and that also explains his "type". So he's probably wanted to date other people but wasn't allowed to. Oof that kinda makes me feel better. He still hasn't asked about my little episode from last night. I think he probably forgot about it. It's 11:21 right now and I'm in culinary arts waiting for the bell since I'm done with my work. And I found another song by Isaac Dunbar. He's really cool but the songs called Body. I really want to cry. Because I literally only see Alex like 3 times a day and now I can't even see him after school at CHURCH! Like ughh he's my best friend and apparently I follow him around too much according to his mom. I only follow him because I rarely get to spend time with him and when I do I want to be near him. It's just UGHHH. Like damn this sucks. He said that his mom said I can't come back to church for a month. A MONTH!? Like what the heck did I do to get on your black list? I literally wanna scream and cry. I'm blasting music to keep me from crying. At least I'll still see him at school right? I wish people would just leave us alone. Like we haven't done anything wrong. Unless they just don't want us to be friends at all. Which would just be going too far considering I've been friends with him since 7th grade and we're in 10th grade now. That's 3 years. And they want to tear us apart because what? We're best friends but people are taking it the wrong way? Even though we both correct them. I don't even understand why they're trying to separate us. Like ughh anyway we're on our way back to school. So I won't see him till tomorrow morning. Well I'll try to savor this time(I realize that sounds weird but me no care). So see yah at lunch or in 4th period. Oof I'm in the lunch line waiting for them to say I can come in. I hope his parents reconsider or something. I'm in 3rd period right now and oof I low-key hate this class because of all these annoying people in it but at least barely anyone talks to me. I'm now on the bus. I forgot to write in 4th period because my phone was charging and I was having a discussion about anime with Nick, Quanyay(I have no idea how to spell his name), and Quadray(I also have no idea how to spell his name). It was great and I now have new recommendations to start later. I'm gonna start a new anime now so I'll be back later. I'm back . I just finished the third episode and I'm hooked. I'm watching The Promised Neverland. It's super good. And also forgot to mention this little fucked up fact earlier but Alex's mom was literally talking about me last night and all that but then this morning smiles like none of that happened. Ugh and we have a two hour delay tomorrow morning. Which sucks because it takes away from the small amount of time with my best friend. Especially since I probably won't be able to see him over the weekend. And I won't see him next Tuesday either because of my appointment. I want/need to cry but my tear ducts are probably closed and confused since I usually hold my tears. I just hope we can at the least stay friends if not more. I mean when he gets older then he can date whoever he wants and I will hopefully be right there beside him to support him. I'm low-key obsessed with Body by Isaac Dunbar. I know I jump around from thing to thing but that's just how jumbled my brain is🙃. I can sort of see us together but we're older because of the BS. But I won't get my hopes up. Just because he can date who he wants doesn't mean he wants to date me. And while I should be a bit more optimistic about it I I'm just pretty emotional. I'm just chilling right now. Blasting music and playing with slime. Oh and I forgot to mention that one of my IRL friends is reading this. This makes two people who know. Well at least I think she should have figured it out by now. Her name can be... Sandy. Ok so Sandy have you figured out who Alex is yet? If you have text me on Instagram I wanna know who you guess. I mean from the first entry it shouldn't be too hard. And if you don't get it after 2 tries I'll tell you. Ok? Ok. Oof I'm really hung up on the fact that he really doesn't have much of a choice in what and who he can want. I'm glad my parents aren't like that but also super sad that his are. I mean I'm not judging their parenting skills but I'm totally judging their parenting skills. Like telling your son that he can't date a certain race. That's pretty fucked up. And on top of that his best friend is a black female. So I assume they feel threatened by me considering"all the time" I spend with him. Oh and last night during the argument his parents said he took my phone to "seduce" me is pretty much what they said. When in reality he just wanted to talk to me and plus I TOLD him to hold it for me. Ugh I just want to understand why? Like what was the purpose of not allowing him to date black girls? I mean it's not like you can stop him when he's older. So what was the point? Why would you even think to take that option away from him? Like did something happen that involved a black girl or are they just straight up racists 🤔? I don't even want to think about it anymore. Snapple it's 9:10 so I'm gonna go ahead and post this. See you in the morning I guess 🙃✌️. So uh yeah byee.
- Angil