Avengers Oneshots

Incorrect Avengers

A/N: HOLY SHIT, GUYS! Thank you so much for the 9K reads, Jesus Christ!! I cannot thank you all enough. Anyways, here's something. :)

Stephen: can i have a fry

Tony: you should have ordered your own 

Stephen:

Stephen: *starts to raise his sling ring*

Tony, glaring at him and squirting him with water: don't you fucking dare use your sparkle hands, bitch

--------------

Peter: *points at power outlet*

Tony: socket?

Peter: *nods*

Peter: *mimes pulling a plug out*

Tony: um...uh...out of socket?

Peter: *nods again*

Peter: *points at jaw*

Tony: jaw...out of socket...? Peter, oh my god, your jaw is out of its socker?!

Peter: *aggressive thumbs up*

--------------

The Red Room: These are our Black Widows. They are highly trained, speak multiple languages, and can kill a grown man with a toothbrush within seconds. By far our greatest accomplishment.

HYDRA/KGB/whatever: this is the winter soldier he's a bastard.

--------------

Rhodey: tony you need sleep.

Tony: sleep is for the weak

Rhodey:

Tony:

Rhodey: peter tell tony that he needs more sleep

Peter, also sleep deprived: MOREESPRESSOLESSDEPRESSO

Tony: look at him. he's my boyfriend. i love him and he's the most adorable human i have ever seen in my existance.

--------------

Peter: do you want me to put 15 super-puff marshmallows in my mouth, Harley?

Harley:

Harley: you're a hazard to society.

Shuri: and a coward. do twenty.

Tony, sitting bolt upright in the middle of the night: I sense a disturbance in the force

T'Challa from across the house: I do too. Wasn't Shuri's sleepover with Harley, MJ, Peter, and Ned tonight?

Tony: oH SHIT

--------------

Bucky, in Brooklyn, sleeping:

Steve, in Manhatten: *has idea*

Bucky: *wakes up* *gets dressed quickly* *drives to stark tower*

Steve: *takes a breath*

*crashes can be heard throughout the tower, getting closer to Steve until a glowering, shadowy figure is standing in the doorway*

Bucky: no. not today, asshole.

--------------

Peter: mr loki.

Loki: What is it, child.

Peter: do you wanna meet my whole family???

Loki:

Loki: I don't really have a choice, do I?

Peter: no, you have a choice. I promise.

Tony: he says that, but he dragged Bucky around when Bucky said no last week. say yes, stupid.

Bucky: trust tony on this, there is still glitter in places it's not supposed to be.

Loki: uh...Sure, I guess.

Peter: yay!!!!!

--------------

[car is hanging off a cliff]

Sam: oh my god, Bucky!! Back it up!!

Bucky: really, Sam? I thought I might drive forward. I thought that might be a fun thing to do. Fuck you.

--------------

Tony: I could strangle you.

Steve: you aren't tall enough.

Tony: you've sunk low enough for me to reach.

Steve: 

Steve: is this because I brought Bucky home?

Tony: no because I'm on my period-yes because you brought Bucky home, fucking idiot!!

--------------

Bucky: *closes cabinet*

*crash is heard from inside the cabinet*

Loki: what was that?

Bucky: *raises glass of Orange Juice*

Bucky: the sound of someone else's problem.

Loki:

Loki: fair enough.