cigarettes & coffee / l.h.

nine

- violet -

"Hey, guys..." I said slowly as I approached my friends, although they were already looking at me.

I was grateful for the smiles that Michael and Keira greeted me with, but Calum's empty stare made me feel terrible.

"Vi! Um, how are you?" Michael asked nervously. 

"I'm.. okay." There was an awkward silence while everyone waited for someone to say something. But nobody said anything, the only thing that happened was Calum walking away.

"Wait, Calum." I sighed, and he turned back around to face me. "Can we please talk?"

Calum looked between Keira and Michael who both nodded with sympathetic smiles on their faces. "Okay." He said almost soundlessly.

I lead him into an empty classroom as there was still around ten minutes until school actually started. I had no idea what I was going to tell him, I knew that Calum deserved honesty but I was actually really ashamed about what Luke and I had done. I was also ashamed that I had been leading Calum on for most of the time we were dating. Calum was by far the nicest person I knew and there was never a time when he would put himself first.

"So." Calum muttered when I had shut the door behind me. "Vi, you're one of my best friends and losing you as a friend as well as a girlfriend would be horrible. But I just need to know some things."

And, fuck. What was he going to ask me? I didn't really feel like going into the details of how I cheated on Calum with Calum.

"Okay.. What do you want to know?" I asked warily.

"Have you fucked him?" Calum asked, and it kind of shocked me.

"No!" I immediately responded, but then I remembered how easily it could have happened back at Luke's apartment if Andrew hadn't walked in. 

"What have you done?"

"Kissed." I said quietly, I was honestly disgusted by what I had done.

"How long has this been going on for?"

"Calum, we kissed this morning. That's it."

"Yeah, but how long have you been into him?" He asked and that made me hesitate. How long had I liked Luke? Probably since the day we met, if I was being honest with myself. But did I want to be that honest with Calum?

Calum noticed my hesitance and sighed. "Were your feelings for me ever real?"

I sighed as well, and my silence kind of gave away the answer.

"Right. Well. It's gonna take me a while to get over this, Violet." And my full name coming from Calum's mouth sounded so wrong, and all I wanted was for Luke to hold me. "But you're one of my best friends, so I'm gonna try really hard, okay?"

"I'm so fucking sorry, Calum. I honestly am." I told him again and he just nodded and left the room.

I sat down on one of the chairs in the classroom, letting my head fall into my hands. I knew I had gone about this the wrong way, but I didn't exactly regret kissing Luke. Obviously I wish I had broken up with Calum first, but Luke was so good for me, and I wanted to be with him more than anything.

Suddenly Michael and Keira burst into the room and I quickly stood up. "Hi."

"Vi.. Explain." Keira said. Michael took a seat and Keira dropped onto his lap. I took a seat too, perching on the edge of my chair.

"I just explained it to Calum. I feel sick about this." I groaned.

"As you should. But seriously, Vi. We love you and this doesn't change that. What exactly happened with Luke?" Michael spoke up.