The journal of odd occurences

Dedicated to my beloved.

Once, I believed I could catch the stars, rule the world, and walk amongst angels. Mother and father would hold me in their arms and whisper: "Sweet little angel, where are your wings?" Angel? The world crumbles under my feet and yet I am kept afloat. I've no brilliant wings, or saintly light. I can only be me, Rose. The girl everyone loved.

I was filled with love, but such is the way of the darkness, it sweetly takes hold of the mind of its host. Soon the love became hatred, burning brightly like scorching flames. I was feared. I felt no remorse for all the pain I caused them. They sobbed and I laughed. I pushed all those that cherished me away. One might ask, why would you do such a thing? Quite frankly, I do not know. Something came over me that felt true; for once, I would not cower in fear. I was headstrong, with my head held high. Grown men did not dare approach this wicked child.

I do not know.. I do not know when it all changed. I woke up one morning, not quite feeling myself, and found I no longer held any hatred in my heart. Perhaps because this was not my true nature. I was neither wicked nor cruel. Pethaps I recalled love once more; the glorious days I spent with those I loved.. Whichever it was, I became that little angel once more; mother and father were shocked that I had matured in such a short amount of time. I fell silent, and merely smiled at those around me. Wherever I stepped, love would follow. Now instead of destruction, I would at last spread the love I had lost all this time, in hopes that others would not get as lost as I....

"Nobody truly changes." Yes, yes that is true. I was not wicked to begin with, nor selfish, nor blind. The change was temporary, and horrific. It'd be a lie if I were to say I did not suffer. Truth be told, I forced my heart to fill with darkness. Others around me would chatter and laugh, because I was naive and did not know how to decieve. They'd decieve me and tease me and push me around. With such purity and innocence, I could never catch on to their schemes. In the end, it was never pure hatred; just a will to survive. I realize now, with experience in this world, that one cannot be both. I chose love over hatred, simply because it is much more beautiful than something so temporary. Roses all wither, but one must remember: even the most beautiful things have thorns. Once you remove them, they will never grow back.

I hesitated for a long while, my dear, to bid you farewell. My time is nay, and it cannot stretch much further. I hope that we may both depart with satisfaction in our hearts, even if the pain will not dull for quite some time. We all hold secrets in our hearts, so I must ask you to forgive me for not staying long enough to exchange all of them with you. With tearful eyes, and my lonely heart, I bid you farewell. May you always be satisfied. I will forever love you. You'll wonder, won't you? Where I've gone to. Don't worry, we'll meet again. In another lifetime, perhaps. Forgive me.

I love you... I wish you'll never forget me, but you will. I wander as if a ghost, unseen by most.. I hope and dream that you'll forgive me. My aching heart may at last be at rest tonight. Just know I am proud, and will always be. You've grown so much..

Goodbye.