The journal of odd occurences

Confessions.

Today, I sat and pondered many things. I might as well tell the truth, and do it now, before I'm gone. Because quite frankly, I think we all know where this is going. I will not live for long. There are many I'd like to bid farewell, but do not find the courage to. So, I will say it here, in hopes that one day this journal will be discovered, and those that I care about will know where I have gone.

I will begin with the individual most precious to me. Forgive me, but I am short of time, and cannot stretch it on for much longer. I have already delayed this far too long. Wolf, I have a confession to make. I know that confusion will fill your whole being, and for a long while, you will dwell on this. I must ask of you to forgive me for putting you into this dilemma. I.. I do not know where to begin. There are many things I'd like to say. However, I'm not finding the words. I love you. Yes, feel free to reread that sentence. You haven't read wrong. You'll scoff at this, or be enraged. But this is the last you'll hear of me. How could I ever face you again? I couldn't. This will forever ruin the bond between us, and that very fact brings tears to my eyes. Often I think of you, and tears gather in my eyes again. There is not a day I do not think of you, and your well-being. I wonder, "why did it have to be him?" But then I realize just how wonderful and kind you are, and I fall silent. I couldn't ask for anything more. Once a day passes without your response, I find myself overcome with anxiety. I worry, and I worry, and I worry, until your return. When you left for a month, my world turned bitter. It'd be a lie if I were to say I've cared for others this way before. I have not. Truth be told, I saw your picture, with that fierce and intelligent gaze, and a shock passed through me. It was as if I had known you all of my life. I knew I had to speak to you. And I do not regret a single moment. With a heavy heart, which doesn't wish to part with you, I must bid you farewell. Please try not to forget me easily, although that is but a dream. I have realized, as of late, your strange tenderness. It isn't expressed clearly, or warmly, but it is there. I may only be assuming, but.. I've sensed that change in you. There is a certain level of trust we've established, which we've both worked hard for. I cannot bear to let our special bond go, but I must. For the sake of my dignity and yours. I.. I will never forget you, or the things we have shared. They may appear insignificant to you, but they mean the world to me. Every small gesture, every word. I will cherish them for all time. I am so grateful to you, not only because of your patience, tolerance, or mercy. But just for speaking to me, for being there. Even if you said a single word and nothing else, it lit up my whole world. I love you, and you deserve to be loved. I cannot say it enough. I'm sorry I have to leave so early, I know that you will be irritated. But this must occur, for I know things will never be the same once you read this. So please, forgive me. May all your dreams be sweet tonight. And know not of heartache, fear, nor gloom.

Second would be Toby. Although we got off on the wrong footing, I could see that we would make great friends. And we surely did. Although you were a bit hesitant at first, you soon warmed up. We do not speak often, but I found our conversations the most pleasant I have had in a long while. I will miss you dearly, as I consider you one of my greatest friends. All of this may be overwhelming, so I must ask for your forgiveness. You must be thinking, "But we haven't known each other that long!" Does it truly matter? Time is but an illusion. One might "know" an individual for several years and still not consider them a friend. I wished to let you know that I love you as well, and that you will forever occupy a place in my heart.

The rest of you, I'll find the courage to tell. Thank you for reading.