Mean Girls: The Musical Oneshots

Strange Sayings of Janis

A/N. All the saying from this chapter were words I personally heard come from people's mouths. Also, thank you to Majestic-mother-mac for the idea.   

]Being friends with Janis, both Damian and Cady had seen her do many abnormal things. For the most part, they were accustomed to it. What they would never be used to, however, were the words that came out of Janis's mouth.

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They were sitting in History, learning about the Louisiana Purchase. Cady, preferring calculus to the past, was bored out of her skull. She rested her head on the desk, wishing class would just end. She felt a light tap on her shoulder. "Canadians are cats without fresh air." Cady looked around, and saw Janis  smiling broadly at her. "That makes no sense." Cady whispered. Janis giggled, then attempted to move her chair back to its original position. The chair refused to cooperate, and the metal screeched loudly as it skittered across the floor. Professor Hamilton looked disgruntled and annoyed. Janis blushed and continued to rearrange her chair, albeit with significantly less noise. Cady shook her head and sighed. It would be a long day. 

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"No!" Janis exclaimed. "That is incorrect! Very incorrect. The egg came before the chicken." Damian wagged his finger in front of her face. "I disagree! The chicken came before the egg. And- " Janis leaned across the table. "I." She said slowly, enunciating each syllable. "Will. Literally. Eat. You." She sat back in her seat, mission accomplished. "Ooh." Kevin Gnapoor said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Eat as in-" Janis snatched a pencil and held it at his throat. "Je vais poignarder tu (I am going to stab you)." She said menacingly, running the tip along his collar bone. He gulped. "Let's not get too hasty." He said, laughing nervously. Janis grinned creepily. "We'll see about that." 

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Cady poked at her mystery meat, wary of its contents. "Is this actually meat?" She asked, a piece of it dangling from her fork. Damian shrugged helplessly. "No one knows. Rumor has it that the lunch ladies kill anyone who insults their food, and put it in a pot. That's what they serve on mystery meat days." Cady paled, and pushed the plate away from herself. "I'm  suddenly not hungry." She mumbled. "Hey, Janis?" The girl in question did not respond, engrossed in her food. "Ooh!" She said suddenly. "A tater tot! Now I can dissect it." She began prodding it with a knife. Cady and Damian exchanged a look, then went back to their conversation. 

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Cady stood outside the girl's bathroom, leaning on the wall. Janis had disappeared into a stall several minutes ago, and Cady was ready to leave. "Janis." She called, knocking on the door. "Are you okay? What are you doing?" There was a pause . "I'm folding the dishes!" Janis yelled. "I'll be out in a jiffy." Now sufficiently bewildered, Cady grimaced. "Folding the dishes. Jiffy." She snorted. "Who says that? Maybe it's a metaphor." 

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"Janis." Amber D'lessio said, entering the art classroom. Janis glanced upward. "Yes." Amber consulted the crumpled piece of paper that she was holding. "Okay. I am doing a survey for the yearbook committee. Someone walks up to you and says "you are the father of this child." What do you say in response?" Janis did not hesitate. "Father, I am your father." With that, she went back to her painting. Amber nodded, and wrote down the response. "Honestly, that's not the weirdest answer I've received." 

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"Places for scene two!" Mr. Reyes said, waving his arms. The theater class hurried to their positions on the stage. Janis stood behind a box, pretending to mix ingredients in an imaginary bowl. Suddenly, she fell to the floor with a thump. "Mother!" Cady gasped, entering from the left. She hurried to Janis's side. "Oh, mother, I hoped this day would never come. Alas, it hath arrived!" Janis reached a hand up to lightly brush Cady's face. "My child." She said with a raspy voice. "My time hath come. I needeth pass on words of wisdom to thee. Remember this for the rest of thine life." She took a deep, shuddering breath. "All I ever wanted in life... was Jello." She collapsed for a final time. "Cut! Cut!" Mr. Reyes yelled. "That was off script, Janis! What happened?" She shrugged from her place in Cady's lap. "It felt necessary."