Anastasia

32

"You wouldn't know what freedom feels like, until you step out of your comfort zone to explore and taste it yourself."

Zachary rested his napkin on the table, folding his arms onto his lap and looked out of the tall glass window. He was at his usual favourite restaurant, finishing his lasagna and sipping his black coffee with tranquil satisfaction as the sun shone its last couple of seconds worth of light before the moon arrives to take its place.

Warmth poured over the earth, setting the entire place ablaze with gold and yellow and orange, the cup and utensils casting long, dark shadows on the table. Zachary leaned his face on his palm, recalling the memory he had with Anastasia at the same table they sat in. He could remember the ecstatic glow in her eyes when she consumed that burger, the pure look of wonder as she awed at the sunset.

He closed his eyes, remembering the curve of that button nose, the contours of her cheeks and the hard set of her jaw, portraying a stubborn and beautiful woman. Whenever he was with her, he felt like he could be whoever he wanted in her story - a narrator, a bird, a dragon, perhaps even a flower. He could be himself, without any masks on. Was that how being carefree felt like? Not having to bother about how he should portray himself in front of her?

There was something unusual and unique about Anastasia that constantly made him wonder about her. It could be the silence that they always share whenever they study, how she could be so comfortable living with the silence and enjoying it.

Zacahry never liked the silence. It scared him. Sometimes, the silence would slowly make it's way into his head, devouring his thoughts and making a roar so loud it was deafening.

He feared the silence.

He feared that it would eat him up until all was left was a pile of bones and scrapes of broken thoughts wandering in the empty circle of his skull. He feared that the silence would one day make him become someone that he couldn't recognise. He was once told that 'silence is golden', but he didn't like to be left alone with his thoughts. He knew what would become of him if he was ever left alone. He needed noise to fill the quiet spaces in his head. Loud, soft, white noises.

Anything but silence.

Yet, how ironic; he enjoyed solitude. It made him think better, it helped to clear his head. He didn't realise that he personally enjoyed being by himself - surrounded by the honking of the cars in the distance, the rustle of the leaves as the whistle of the wind breezes past him, the rhythmic sound of his boots hitting the ground as he walked - until he had his first study session with Anastasia that he felt the urge to be left alone with his music. Noises like these weaved into a calming symphony; it was like medicine for his head.

Or it could be her personality that made him think about himself sometimes. It was just the plain honesty that made him question about his honesty to others. Maybe it was ber sarcastic remarks that drew his attention to her. Maybe it was the way that she carried herself so freely like a bird that caused him to want to be like her as well.

There was nothing about her that he could find fault with. Maybe there are some fine cracks under the pretty face he didn't notice. Everyone has flaws, that he could admit. These flaws makes one unique, and that difference in Anastasia which set herself distinctly apart from the rest of the world triggered his curiosity to want to find out more about her.

"Hello." he spoke, already knowing who he was speaking to.

"It's me."

"You're Anastasia, not Adele." he joked.

"Astrid is leaving University." she said, her breaths coming out in short pants. The words fluttered into his ears and into his head. Gaping in unbelief, he requested for her to repeat.

"You heard it right."

"So..."

"Yes. She wants to break up with you."

He blinked, unsure of how he should react. He felt an overwhelming rush of relief, like a heavy weight being lifted off his chest. It was like he was set free of those heavy metal chains he was weighed down by her ever since that day. Now, he was free.

"Alright. Thank you." he said, and she hung up the phone. Just like that.

He stretched his hands above his head, smiling towards the sky.

"I'm free."

It was just two words, but that held so much meaning behind the words. It was a level of ecstasy he had never felt before. He could finally go where he wanted without being asked, he could do whatever he want without being watched like a prey. He knew that it was best for the both of them. She could now live her life, and he could live his. On a fresh new page.

It was two plain words that he longed to taste on his lips.